I’ve come into contact with a lot of ladies lately who are desperate for that big (and expensive) shiny ring on their magical finger.
So it got me wondering…
Why so much pressure to lock a man down and enter a contract for life?
Because that’s essentially what it is.
A contract stopping you from leaving this person.
Some men may even call it a ‘trap’!
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m all for marriage.
It’s the motivation you have to get married that holds the key to whether that union will be positive or negative.
Through my years as a Relationship Therapist is has become apparent that most people believe marriage will give them something they don’t yet have.
Commitment, societal acceptance, maybe some household appliances?
The thing is, nothing changes between the two people when they are married.
A healthy couple is one that is committed to each other and in love, regardless of a piece of paper.
Now I’m not saying don’t get married.
What lady doesn’t want to be a Princess for a day and wear a big poufy dress?
What I am saying, is don’t rely on the ‘marriage’ to be the thing that seals the relationship.
Great relationships do not blossom from locking someone into a contract.
They are about trust and love and honesty.
If you have all three of these key elements within your relationship, the commitment is a natural bi-product of this.
If there’s love, there’s commitment.
It’s the same with anything in life, if you love doing it (exercise, running your own business) you commit to it.
If the love is absent from your relationship, then no amount of forcing your lad to sign a marriage paper is going to deliver you that love.
If anything, it will push him away.
And even if you do get him to walk you down the isle (looking all sexy-like), the chances of that marriage ending prematurely, is highly likely.
Why then do people chase commitment over love?
Is it because deep down they fear being alone?
Or they need that security of having someone (in some cases, anyone) to feel that they are in fact ‘lovable’?
What if they were to deal with those deeper issues of feeling alone and unlovable?
If you got rid of those, then the desperate urge to be wed would dissipate and you could be in a relationship with someone you could fall truly and madly in love with.
No story, just love.
A love that nourishes you on ALL levels.
Now wouldn’t that be nice?
If you feel you harbour some feelings of ‘needing’ someone to feel complete and would like to get to the root cause of those so you too can experience deep love (of the healthy kind), then I invite you to join us in the Remarkable Relationships 3-month online course, where we can help ignite that love!
The love story really is in the love, not the story.