Relationships, when going well, give us an undeniable zest of life – topping us up with strength, ambition and an unshakable belief in our most precious selves. When they’re not going so well however, they have the potential to bring out our inner witch, throwing us into a world of uncertainty and chaos.
So next time you find yourself arguing with your lover, instead of trying to prove yourself, ask yourself: What role did I play in this conflict? How was I being that would trigger my partner into this negative behavior? When you take back responsibility for your part in the conflict, you give yourself the ability to change yourself and your behaviours, and thus, the outcome.
How many times do you go out on a mission to prove a point, or make the other person wrong? This will only end in tears, and perhaps a slammed door or a broken picture frame or two! If you find yourself trying to be ‘right’ while making the other person ‘wrong’ then you know you’ve given away your power, and reduced your chances of resolving the argument.
Take the approach of wanting to ‘understand’ where your lover is coming from; what caused them to act in that way? Be curious as opposed to angry. Listen, don’t judge. If you do this, while staying out of any negative emotion, you have a much greater chance of a positive outcome, while gaining valuable insight into that person and how they operate.
Over time, this approach will lead to a much deeper understanding of not only your partner, but yourself; what triggers you into a undesirable state and how strong your ability is to stay loving within the framework of a disagreement. We all have our loveable and not so lovable ways – so gaining a better perspective of your partner’s inner workings will lay a solid foundation for your future together.
Relationships are meant to be nourishing – they’re meant to help you grow, but together and individually. So allow your conflicts to pave the way to a much deeper understanding that will deliver you a connection far superior than you could ever have imagined.
Do you need a relationship make-over? Then enrol in our six week tele course Conscious Couples and learn how to overcome distrust and self-doubt and turn conflicts into opportunities for growth.