If there’s one thing that intimate relationships do exceptionally well, it’s holding up a mirror to who we are. They can be the most beautiful, heart-opening experiences, yet they can also challenge us in ways that nothing else can. And the biggest challenge of all? Staying true to yourself while being deeply connected to someone else.
Today on I Love Me The Podcast, we’re exploring how to maintain your sense of self inside an intimate relationship. Because real love doesn’t mean losing yourself – it means bringing your full, authentic self to the table, every single day.
Last week we spoke about how the people in our lives either support or limit our growth.
And when it comes to intimate relationships, few people have more influence over how we feel and how we show up in the world than our partners.
So today, we’re diving into how to stay grounded in you, even when you love someone deeply.
And while this is focused on romantic connection, everything I share applies across all kinds of relationships; not just an intimate relationship.
Let’s begin with what I call the anchor: Your True Self – that wise, quiet inner voice that always knows what’s best for you.
I talk more about the True Self in Episode 4, but here’s the short version:
It’s your centre. Your compass. Your truth.
And it whispers guidance to you throughout your day.
The challenge?
When we care for someone, it’s easy to shift focus from that inner voice.
To bend, compromise, even silence parts of ourselves in order to keep the peace.
But healthy love isn’t about shrinking.
It’s about expanding – and that only happens when you stay connected to yourself.
So the first step in staying true to you, is nurturing your relationship with you.
Make time to journal, to meditate, to walk solo in nature – whatever helps you hear your own voice again.
If you’re new to this, try asking:
- How am I feeling?
- What do I need today?
- What’s being triggered in me right now?
- How can I support or heal that?
Your answers may surprise you.
But they’ll guide you back to centre.
A practice I personally love – and teach – is called the Love Wrap.
It’s a way to fill yourself up with love, place your hand on your heart, and reconnect to your truth in the heat of a trigger.
Because let’s be honest – when we’re upset, we often default to Ego: reacting, blaming, defending.
But Ego is never your True Self.
And when we let Ego run the show, we often say and do things that hurt our partner and ourselves.
The more connected you are to your truth, the more gracefully you can navigate hard moments – without making them personal.
You respond instead of react.
You stay in your power, rather than handing it over.
Another practice I recommend – whether you’re single or in an intimate relationship – is to date yourself.
There’s a full episode on this – Episode 12.
Dating yourself fills your cup.
It teaches you to give yourself the love you seek from others.
Because if you’re depending on your partner to reassure you, or make you feel wanted, or bring you flowers every week so you feel special…
Then you’re setting up a dynamic where they’re responsible for your inner world.
And that’s a lot of pressure.
When you love yourself deeply, your partner is free to meet you – not complete you.
That’s what real partnership looks like: Two whole people, walking side by side.
Now, being self-sufficient doesn’t mean shutting down or not being vulnerable.
As I shared in Episode 15: Vulnerability – The cornerstone of self-love and deeper relationships, vulnerability is essential to intimacy.
But there’s a difference between sharing from your heart…
And emotionally leaning so hard on someone else that they begin to feel responsible for your wholeness.
That’s why self-love isn’t just a solo journey – it’s a relationship practice.
It allows you to show up more fully, rather than depend more heavily.
And here’s the truth:
Relationships will always stir up old wounds.
It’s not love that makes us lose ourselves – it’s the unhealed parts of us surfacing, asking for attention.
I remember being in an intimate relationship where I changed how I dressed because my partner didn’t like my style.
At first, I didn’t think much of it – but over time, I realised I’d given away a piece of my identity.
My creative expression.
My confidence.
I’d stopped being me, to be more acceptable to him.
And that’s not love.
That’s a wound.
But here’s the good news:
When these patterns come up – people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, self-doubt – it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.
It just means healing is required.
So when you notice yourself slipping into old habits, pause.
Check in.
Ask:
What part of me is feeling scared right now?
And what would love say to that part?
That’s where the Love Wrap is so powerful — it brings you back to your heart, your wholeness, your presence.
It stops you from projecting the past into the present.
And when you show up in the present, everything can shift.
The truth is, relationships are one of the greatest self-love classrooms we’ll ever have.
Because whatever hasn’t been healed will be revealed.
And the more we resist those revelations, the louder they’ll become.
But if we use them – if we let our relationships show us the areas that need love – then every challenge becomes an invitation to go deeper.
So next time you’re triggered, don’t run.
Don’t shut down.
See it as a moment to stay with yourself.
Because ultimately, staying true to yourself in love isn’t a one-time act.
It’s a practice.
A practice of listening to your heart.
Of honouring your truth.
Of choosing you – lovingly, consistently, fully.
If you take one thing away from today’s episode, let it be this:
Your intimate relationship will only be as healthy as your relationship with yourself.
So love yourself deeply.
And let that love set the tone for every relationship you step into.
If today’s episode sparked something in you, and you’re ready to go deeper into this work, I’d love to invite you to check out my Remarkable Relationships course.
It’s a beautiful, soul-nourishing journey where I guide you through powerful practices and tools to help heal old patterns and emotional wounds – so you can show up fully, freely, and authentically in your relationships.
And know that if you do enrol, that a percentage of profits go to planting trees, so together we can re-robe Mother Earth.