Today, we’re diving into something tender… something that touches almost all of us at some point:  How we feel about the way we look. 

This one’s close to my heart, because for many years I struggled with body dysmorphia.  Yet the more I learned to look beyond the surface of who I am and release the unserving beliefs about the way I looked, the more I learned to accept my appearance. To feel at home in my body. And to cherish this beautiful vessel I now live in.

So today on I Love Me The Podcast, I invite you to consider that maybe, just maybe, loving your body unconditionally, is possible for you too.

Simple, inspiring lessons in self-love. Hello gorgeous, it’s Tamra here.

Today I want to talk to you about something that impacts almost all of us, whether we talk about it openly or not: 

How we feel about the way we look.

We live in a world that projects a very specific image of what it means to be pretty, good looking, appealing to the eye…

Even acceptable.

And this puts an enormous amount of pressure on us to look a certain way.

There’s never been a time like today, where Botox, cosmetic surgery, makeup, filters, or fashion choices have been used so widely, in a bid to enhance certain features.

In a bid to help us look a certain way, so that we can feel good about ourselves.

But making physical changes to our body, or using certain lighting or filters to make us a appear different to how we actually are, is missing one important point…

Self-love doesn’t come from making physical changes.

Self-love comes from learning how to love and accept ourselves, just the way we are.

And that journey involves going inside and looking at our emotional stuff, rather than going under the surgeon’s knife.

So while I’m not here to judge anyone for the choices they make about their bodies. 

What I will always encourage is this: 

Before you make any change to your appearance, take a moment to ask yourself why. 

Why do I feel the need to change this? 

Where is this urge coming from?

So often, when I work with clients, and we start peeling back the layers behind body dissatisfaction or appearance-altering decisions, we find deep beliefs like: 

I’m not enough, I’m not attractive, I’m too much, I’m not loveable. 

These beliefs are often so deeply embedded that we don’t even realise they’re running the show. 

But they are. 

I talk in depth about how our beliefs came about (relating to body dysmorphia and other issues you may be facing), how they work, and what’s needed to release them, in Episode 2: Programmed for Love.

The thing is — no matter how much you change the outside, if those inner beliefs stay the same, the discomfort and discontent won’t go away. 

The real root isn’t in the mirror. 

It’s in the mind.

In how you perceive yourself.

I had one client who came to me to work on self-worth and self-acceptance.

She’d already booked in to have a boob job the week later, believing that this physical enhancement would change how she felt about herself.

She went ahead with the surgery, but found afterwards, that this change in her breasts only made her dislike her body even more.

So we spent the next 5-months, as part of my One-on-One Intensive, clearing out the beliefs, perceptions and deep emotions she held around her body and how she looked…

And by the end of that time, she came into this loving relationship with her body, where she no longer hated her appearance, but looked upon her body with pride and acceptance.

Because when we are dealing with body dysmorphia – where we dislike our looks – it’s rare that there is anything wrong with our body.

Rather, the problem lies in how we ‘think’ about our body.

What I’m saying, is that the problem is not your nose, or your weight, or your skin, or your hairline. The problem is the ‘thoughts’ you’ve attached to those things. 

The comparisons. 

The judgments. 

The stories. 

Somewhere along the way, you were taught what “pretty” looks like. 

What “desirable” means. 

What “acceptable” is. 

And you started measuring yourself against that — without ever questioning who decided the measuring stick in the first place.

So this is where we reclaim our power.

Because the truth is… 

Every person is beautiful in their own way. 

Not in a cliché, brush-it-off way, but in a real, cellular way. 

You were created exactly as you were meant to be. 

Your face, your body, your unique combination of features, expressions, curves, edges — all of it is sacred. 

All of it is enough. 

But to truly know that and feel that…

You have to start questioning the inner dialogue.

Ask yourself: 

What do I currently believe about how I look? 

Where did that belief come from? 

When did I first start thinking my body wasn’t okay? 

Whose voice is that? 

And — is it intrinsically true?

Maybe you’ve been carrying around the belief that your thighs are too big. 

That was a biggie for me!

Or your face isn’t symmetrical. 

Or your skin doesn’t glow like the ones on Instagram. 

What you need to know is:

Beneath those critical thoughts are often three big, sneaky core beliefs: 

I’m not loveable. 

I’m not good enough. 

And… the big doozy…

I don’t accept myself.

I’ll do a whole episode on what it means to come into acceptance of oneself, and life, next week.

But what I want to highlight now, is that:

With a belief system like that, all kinds of body hate and shame – symptoms of body dysmorphia – start to bloom.

The important thing to understand though, is:

These beliefs aren’t fixed truths — they’re just stories. 

They were planted somewhere along the way, and they can be unplanted.

Just as we dig up plants, by the roots, so they can’t grow back, so too can we dig up those beliefs, so they no longer rain on our self-acceptance parade.

In my one-on-one work, I use a powerful process – I call it Self-Love Therapy – which clears out the root beliefs quickly and deeply. 

The beliefs responsible for body dysmorphia; feeling like your body isn’t how you’ve been convinced it should look.

When those beliefs dissolve, people often describe feeling lighter.

Like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders, so they can feel more at peace with those bodies.

Like they’re finally breathing in their own skin again.

And from there? 

Love flows. 

Effortlessly.

Let me share something personal. 

For years, I hated my nose. 

I felt like it was too big, too present. 

I even got it pierced in my 20s, in a bid to at least make it look prettier, as I was too scared to go under the knife to make it look significantly smaller.

It wasn’t until I looked into the roots of that belief — tracing it back to the first time I felt compared, or shamed, or unworthy — that I began to realise it had nothing to do with my nose. 

It was about feeling like I had to shrink who I was to be accepted.

I also struggled with weight — and it wasn’t about my size. 

I was totally within a normal weight range.

It was about unspoken competition with my mother, about old dynamics and unprocessed emotions. 

Once I saw that, sat with it, felt it, and released it…

Everything shifted.

No longer did I feel like I was in a battle with my body.

No longer did weight creep on easily, if I so much as looked at a chocolate bar.

Instead, I came into a heathy relationship with food, with exercise and most importantly with my body. 

Honouring it for all it does for me, how it moves me through life.

Now I look upon my body, and I can see its beauty.

And for me that is such a miracle, given where I came from.

So… 

How do you fall in love with the way you look?

You start to feel beautiful — not by changing the outside, but by clearing away the beliefs that told you you weren’t. 

You honour your body as the temple that houses your spirit — not a project to be fixed, but a miracle to be lived in.

Start today. 

Ask the questions. 

Get curious about your beliefs. 

Use whatever tools feel right to help you clear and shift them. 

And then look in the mirror — not to criticise, but to connect. 

To see yourself as the wise, powerful, radiant soul that you are.

And know this…

Your beauty was never up for debate. 

It was never conditional. 

It’s been there all along.

And it’s time to fall in love — not with an image, but with your true self.

If you’d like support in stripping away the layers of conditioning – the beliefs and perceptions and stories – that are keeping you from loving your body (struggling with body dysmorphia), my One-on-One Intensive – where I work with you over 5 months – is the perfect vehicle to take you there.

Every person I work with has a completely new relationship with themselves, by the end of this program.

You can check out all the details here.

In the meantime, I encourage you sign up for the FREE Self-Love Starter’s Kit.

This is a really beautiful Mini Course, for developing foundational practices that support you in coming home to your body.

So you can begin the beautiful journey, of learning how to love yourself from the inside out.