Have you ever triple-checked a text before sending it… Rewritten it… Deleted it… Rewritten it again… And then thought, ‘Actually, never mind’, and not sent it at all?

Or maybe you’ve stayed quiet in a conversation because speaking up felt… dangerous. Not physically dangerous. But emotionally risky. Like you might be judged. Rejected. Seen as too much.

Most of us assume we’re just ‘overthinkers’. Or a bit anxious. Or not very confident. Maybe even an introvert! But what if the real reason is much simpler than that?

What if somewhere along the way, you learnt: ‘I’m not safe,’ or.. ‘It’s not safe to be me.’ And what if that belief — quiet, invisible, unquestioned — has been shaping your relationships, your career, your health, your voice… and your entire experience of life?

Today on I Love Me The Podcast, we’re talking about safety. What it really means to feel safe inside… How not feeling safe shows up in your body and your behaviour… And most importantly — how to rebuild that safety, from the inside out.

 

Simple, inspiring lessons in self-love. Hello sweetpea, I’m Tamra here.

Today we’re talking about safety.

Not the lock-your-doors, wear-your-seatbelt kind of safety.

I’m talking about internal safety.

The kind where your nervous system feels calm in your own body.

The kind where you can speak up without shaking.

The kind where you can be seen and not feel like you’re about to die.

Because one of the biggest limiting beliefs I come across in my One-on-One sessions is:

‘I’m not safe.’

And here’s the thing.

Most people don’t walk around consciously ‘thinking’ those words.

They just live them.

If someone believes they’re not safe, they may not feel safe to enter a relationship.

They may not feel safe to say what they really think.

They may not feel safe to be visible — so they avoid photos, videos, public speaking, big crowds of people.

They may not feel safe to share the message they were born to share.

They may not feel safe to call out behaviour that hurts them.

And so they stay quiet.

They stay small.

They stay being the good girl or the nice guy.

When a person doesn’t feel safe inside, life becomes a constant strategy of protection.

We overthink.

We people-please.

We rehearse conversations in our head.

We scan for danger in tone changes and facial expressions.

Our body tightens.

Our breath gets shallow.

Our shoulders creep up toward your ears.

Relationships feel risky.

Success feels risky.

Being seen feels risky.

Because at a subconscious level, our system is saying:

‘If I show up fully, something bad will happen.’

So you maybe wondering…

Where does this belief come from?

Almost always… childhood.

And I go deeper into childhood programming in Episode 2: Programmed for Love — I’ll link that below — but for today, let’s keep it simple.

If you grew up in a home where it wasn’t safe to express your feelings… you learnt it wasn’t safe to express.

If you were emotionally or physically abused… and then told not to talk about it… you learnt it wasn’t safe to tell the truth.

If you grew up around alcohol, chaos, unpredictability… you learnt the world isn’t stable.

The world isn’t safe.

Maybe you had a parent who exploded one minute and was loving the next.

Your nervous system adapted.

It said, ‘Okay. We survive by staying small. By staying quiet. By staying hyper-aware.’

And that adaptation was brilliant.

Back then, it kept you safe.

But now?

Now it might be keeping you stuck.

Because the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between then and now.

It just runs the program.

If the program says, ‘I’m not safe’, then you’ll unconsciously avoid situations that trigger that feeling.

You’ll sabotage opportunities.

You’ll push away healthy partners.

You’ll cling to unhealthy ones.

You’ll hold yourself back from your own expansion.

Not because there’s anything wrong with you.

But because you’re ‘protecting’ yourself.

The good news?

You can feel safe again.

Safety is not something we find ‘out there’.

It’s something we rebuild within ourselves.

And when we do?

It filters into every area of our life.

When you feel safe inside your body, you speak differently.

You say, “Actually, that doesn’t work for me.”

You say, “I need some space.”

You say, “I deserve better.”

And you don’t shake when you say it, because you know it’s safe to express how you feel.

When you feel safe, relationships change.

You stop choosing partners who feel like emotional rollercoasters.

Because your nervous system no longer confuses chaos with chemistry.

When you feel safe, visibility becomes possible.

You can post the video.

Launch the project.

Stand on the stage.

Not because you’re fearless — but because you trust yourself to handle whatever follows.

Now… let’s talk about something we don’t often connect to this belief.

The body.

Because when a person doesn’t feel safe, the body knows.

The nervous system shifts into protection mode — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

And if that state becomes chronic — not just a moment of stress, but a way of living — the body starts holding that story.

For women especially, the pelvic space is often where this shows up.

If you don’t feel safe, the pelvis can literally tighten.

The jaw tightens.

The shoulders tighten.

And yes, the pelvic floor tightens too.

And if you want to learn more about the pelvic floor, and how to know if yours is tight, have a listen to Episode 26: Three Truths Women MUST Know About Their Pelvic Floor and Episode 27: Is My Pelvic Floor Weak Or Strong? How To Tell The Difference.

When the pelvic floor tightens, we might see things like:

Pelvic pain.
Painful sex.
Vaginismus. (More details in Episode 90: Healing Vaginismus: Softening The Body & Reclaiming Your Pleasure.)
Endometriosis flare-ups worsening under stress.
Recurrent UTIs.
Unexplained tension in the lower belly.
Digestive issues.
Irregular cycles…. that kind of thing.

Now let me say something that might challenge the way you’ve been taught to think about the body.

Most physical issues do not begin in the body.

They begin in the subconscious.

They begin in our beliefs.

The body is incredibly intelligent.

It responds to the information it’s given.

And the most powerful information it receives isn’t food or supplements or medication — it’s perception.

If you believe you’re not safe, your nervous system behaves as if you’re not safe.

If your nervous system behaves as if you’re not safe, your physiology follows.

Hormones shift.

Muscles contract.

Inflammation rises.

Blood flow changes.

Digestion alters.

Healing… slows… down.

The body prioritises survival over pleasure.

Over fertility.

Over creativity.

And the pelvis — being the seat of sexuality, expression, and creation — is often the first place we clamp down when we don’t feel safe.

What we need to understand here, is that:

The body mirrors the mind.

This doesn’t mean biology isn’t real.

Of course it is.

Hormones matter.

Nutrition matters.

Sleep matters.

But what drives those systems?

The nervous system.

And what drives the nervous system?

Our beliefs.

So if a core belief like ‘I’m not safe’ is running quietly in the background, it creates a constant stress response — even if your life looks calm on the outside.

And over time, that chronic internal stress expresses itself physically.

Think about it.

If at some point in your life it wasn’t safe to express yourself…

Or it wasn’t safe to say No…

Or it wasn’t safe to receive touch…

Why would your body remain open?

It wouldn’t.

It would protect you.

And sometimes that protection looks like numbness.

Sometimes it looks like pain.

Sometimes it looks like disconnection.

The body is not betraying you; it’s ‘guarding’ you.

Because the body isn’t random.

It isn’t faulty.

It’s reflecting the program it’s been given.

Change the belief — and the body receives new instructions.

This is why creating internal safety is so powerful.

When the nervous system begins to feel safe again — truly safe — the body softens.

The pelvic floor can release.

Cycles can regulate.

Libido can return.

Digestion improves.

Sleep deepens.

Not because we forced anything.

But because the body no longer feels like it has to brace.

Safety, in this way is medicine.

And when we cultivate it from the inside, the healing ripples outward — into the body, into our relationships, into how we show up in the world.

So what needs to happen for a person to feel safe again?

Firstly you need to understand what safety is and what safety is not.

Safety is not control.

It’s not having everyone agree with you.

It’s not eliminating uncertainty.

It’s not making sure nobody ever leaves.

Safety is an internal state.

A state that is not reliant on external responses or circumstances.

Safety is the felt sense in your body that says:

‘I can handle this.’
‘I am allowed to exist.’
‘I can survive discomfort.’
‘I trust myself, completely.’

Most people try to build safety externally.

They try to find the perfect partner who will never trigger them.

The perfect job that guarantees stability.

The perfect amount of money in the bank.

But external conditions can never permanently create internal safety.

Because if the belief ‘I’m not safe’ is sitting in the subconscious, you could be in the most loving relationship, and still feel on edge.

You could have money in the bank, and still feel like it might disappear.

You could have kind friends, and still fear being rejected.

You might move cities. Change jobs. Change partners.

But the internal experience will follow you.

Because safety is not created by ‘circumstances’.

It’s created by ‘perception’.

And perception is driven by belief.

So what you really needs to know, is this:

If you don’t feel safe, it doesn’t mean you are unsafe.

It most likely means your nervous system is running an old program.

An old conclusion.

A belief that once made sense.

And until that belief is addressed at the root — not just managed, not just soothed temporarily — it will continue to influence how you ‘interpret’ the world.

You can breathe deeply.

You can meditate.

You can repeat affirmations.

And absolutely those things are helpful.

I have episodes on all three of those tools:

Ep.49 Balance Your Mind And Body With This Simple Breath Practice.

Ep.41 Chasing Cars Around Your Head? Let’s Meditate.

Ep.77 The Magic Of Mantras – How Words Transform Your Life.

But if the core belief or ‘I’m not safe’ remains untouched in the subconscious, your system will keep defaulting back to protection mode.

That’s why ‘clearing’ the belief matters more, than simply ‘managing’ the belief.

When ‘I’m not safe’ shifts to ‘I am safe now’ — not just intellectually, but subconsciously so you can feel it — the body recalibrates.

You don’t have to convince yourself anymore.

You don’t have to work so hard to feel okay.

Safety becomes your baseline.

And from that baseline, everything changes.

If you recognise yourself in this episode — if that quiet belief ‘I’m not safe’ has been shaping your choices — please hear this:

There is nothing wrong with you.

Your system did exactly what it was designed to do.

But you are no longer that child.

You are not trapped in that environment anymore.

You have resources.

Awareness.

Choice.

And you can reprogram the beliefs that are no longer serving you.

I support people in my One-on-One Intensive to do that — to reprogram all the old beliefs so they can finally feel safe again.

So they can feel loveable, so they actually feel enough in who they are right now, so they can trust themselves fully.

Or… if you’d like to learn how to clear beliefs yourself, my Remarkable Relationships self-study program walks you through the process step-by-step, so you can change the programming that’s been shaping your life.

Because once you see it, you can’t really unsee it.

And once you understand that safety is an internal program — not an external condition — it becomes the most natural thing in the world to want to ‘update’ that program.

What I do need to highlight with these programs, is that they don’t just teach you how to ‘manage’ how you feel; they guide you through ‘changing’ how you feel, so safety becomes your natural state of being.

Imagine what your life would look like if you felt safe to be seen.

Safe to love.

Safe to speak.

Safe to succeed.

Safe to take up space.

That version of you is not a fantasy.

She’s what’s left when fear-based programming falls away.

When you shift these patterns at the root.

And no matter how unsafe you feel right now, that is always a possibility for you.

To feel safe, no matter what the world throws your way.

Thanks for joining me today, if what I’ve shared with you touched something inside, I’m be so grateful for a rating or short review.

But above anything else, please know this:

You deserve to feel safe inside your own body.

You deserve to live a life that isn’t ruled by protection, but instead, is guided by love.