I was an introvert, but not anymore.

Tamra MerciecaBlogs, Mental HealthLeave a Comment

Chances are you’ve heard the term introvert and extrovert as a way of describing someone’s personality.

Extroverts are thought of as people who feel the most comfortable when working with other people, spending time in groups, and being social.

Extroverts are said to draw their energy from the outside world, and are often considered more confident and outgoing.

They also tend to make friends more easily.

Introverts, on the hand, are often considered shy or socially awkward.

They tend to do more inner reflection and often prefer to spend time alone, than in a crowd.

They prefer to work and play solo, or in smaller groups, and are seen as needing a lot of time for themselves.

However, I prefer not to label people as either an introvert or an extrovert.

And here’s why….

Our personality is not fixed.

Every single one of us has the ability to adapt and change.

It’s part of being a human.

I know this has certainly been my experience.

For a long time people would label me as an introvert.

And to be honest, I did feel awkward in big groups, I did feel self-conscious, and I did often prefer to be alone.

Was this because I was an only child until I was 7?

Was this because I was bullied at school, so felt safer to avoid the crowd?

These things most likely played a part in conditioning me to prefer my own company over others, for sure!

What’s really interesting though, is that when I started working on myself – you know, doing all this stuff I teach you here – the introvert traits began to loosen.

As I released all the fears of what other people thought of me, and began to love and accept myself more, I started to enjoy being more social.

To the point, that I would often be the life of the party!

Always terrified of public speaking, suddenly I relished in getting up in front of people, sharing my heart-inspired teachings.

Suddenly I was now being labelled an extrovert??!!

What changed?

I did the inner work.

I cleared out the conditioning I’d taken on, that had me withdrawing from social interactions.

I stopped hating on myself, and started loving myself.

Not in an egotistical kinda way, but in a way where I was accepting of who I was.

I still enjoyed my own time, and to this day, spend a lot of internal reflection time through my personal self-love practices – but I am fully comfortable socialising in large groups, getting up and speaking in-front of large crowds and I actually enjoy that social interaction.

I don’t prefer one over the other.

I like both.

And in order to feel balanced, I know it’s important that I have both in my life.

Why am I sharing this with you today?

Because I know from my personal experience and from the shifts I see in my clients when they heal their relationship with themselves, they have no need for a label such as ‘introvert’ or ‘extrovert’ because they no longer subscribe to one or the other.

They are a balanced human being.

And ultimately that is what we all want to be working towards:

To be able to love time by ourself AND love time being social.

Like I said, the only reason people tend to prefer one over the other, is because of their conditioning.

Conditioning that is based purely on how you’ve been brought up, what your experiences with other people were, and what you’ve been led to believe.

But if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that we can change our beliefs, and in doing so, we can change our limiting behaviours, so we can feel comfortable in situations that we were not so comfortable in before.

So let’s look at this in a little more detail, shall we?

When a person labels them-self an introvert, they’re usually believing that it’s safer to be on their own.

And as a result of this, they feel uncomfortable putting themselves out there.

They may have negative mind chatter – beliefs – around not feeling good enough or not being worthy of being accepted by other people.

There may be a fear of rejection playing out or a whole lot of negative self-talk going on.

And so they tend to shrink in social situations, avoid them or simply come across as being shy, weird or socially inept.

But the truth is….

If this so-called introvert is willing to look at those beliefs – do some inner healing – then they can totally fall in love with their more social self.

Now let’s look at the conditioning of an so-called extrovert…

It’s a little different, but of the same nature.

When someone displays the personality traits of an extrovert, the root cause is still a lack of self-love and self-acceptance, it’s simply playing out in a slightly different way.

Often extroverts need to be with people.

And they need to be with people because they don’t feel whole on their own.

They will choose spending time with others, over spending time alone, to avoid these uncomfortable feelings of not being of value, or not feeling complete.

In many cases, being social is their way of avoiding them-self.

Avoiding spending time with them-self, because maybe they don’t actually like them-self that much.

Perhaps they find it hard to love and accept them-self.

Maybe they’re scared of the negative mind-chatter that can arise when they don’t fill the space with the noise of other people.

That’s why they’re so social, because they feel like they get that love and acceptance from others.

Or maybe, they simply don’t feel worthy or deserving of taking time just for themselves.

Yet, when you can find that middle ground, where you are balanced between enjoying time by yourself, recognising the value in having time-out, while at the same time being able to mix freely with others and enjoy those social interactions, without needing to seek anything from the people around you, then that is a sign of a balanced human being.

That is the sign of someone who has a pretty reasonable dose of self-love going on.

And that is essentially what we all want to be working towards.

To feel that balance between being alone and being in the company of others.

To thrive as a human being we need both.

We need both qualities in our life in order or function really well both mentally and physically.

What’s super interesting however, is that in order to find this balance, the journey for both introverts and extroverts, is the same.

It’s to learn how to love and accept themselves.

For when they do, then they will naturally find their centre.

To take on the label of being an introvert or an extrovert, is extremely limiting.

When you subscribe to being one or the other, it keeps you stuck in the same behavioural patterns.

Behavioural patterns that essentially diminish your experience of life.

And in many cases diminish your abilities in being a loving partner, in being an inspiring parent, in being a great business leader, or successful in your chosen career path.

You are not a label.

You are not intrinsically one way or the other.

You are an adaptable and changeable person who has the capacity to enjoy alone time and social time, it’s just that you may have some resistance to one of them, because of your upbringing, your past experiences, and what you’ve been taught about human connections.

When we start to strip back the layers on these personality traits, we start to realise that our personality is simply built upon our conditioning.

And our conditioning can change.

Who we truely are – a totally loveable and valuable person – is what lays beneath that conditioning.

And the more open you are to exploring who you are – minus the conditioned introvert or extrovert – the more you get to live fully.

The more you get to thrive!

What I’m saying, is you can both LOVE your own company, relish in spending time by yourself, while at the same time delight in being social and interacting with big groups of people.

You can come to love both.

It’s like yin and yang, day and night, up and down; we need all of these dualities.

And it’s the same with our ability to be able to fly solo and enjoy the company of others.

If the sun never came up, we’d been in blackness all the time, but if the sun never went down, we’d never have a chance to rest.

We need these two opposing forces in our life – the ability to be comfortably alone and the ability to be confidently social – they are essential to optimum human functioning.

For that is our innate way of being.

And when we’re willing to own all of ourselves, embrace both our yin and yang qualities –  the internal lover and the external lover – when we can embrace the fullness and diversity of who we are, we come into our power.

We’re able to live with far more authenticity and integrity.

So I really invite you to consider what your relationship with yourself is, in regards to the labels you wear.

Do you call yourself an introvert?

Do you call yourself an extrovert?

A little more of one, a little more of the other?

Then consider how life might be for you if you were able to embrace both parts of yourself.

What qualities would that bring to your life?

How would that change the way you do life?

How would that impact your relationships?

How much happier would you feel, if you felt totally at ease being both social and being alone?

For when we’re open to these kinds of possibilities, then we’re able to expand our enjoyment of life and experience far more.

More happiness, more contentment, more bliss, more abundance, more pleasure, more joy! 

And most importantly, more self-love.

Please leave a comment below.

Share how you feel about the possibility of releasing the label of introvert or extrovert and what that brings up in you.

I’d love to hear what you see the future holding for you if you were able to let go of the label.

And if you’d like my personal guidance on how to release those barriers to loving yourself more, so you can enjoy more balance – so you can find comfort in both being alone and being social – then feel free to explore my Remarkable Relationships course, where I teach you those exact skills.

This course was crafted specifically to help you release the blocks and conditioning keeping you from having a remarkable relationship with yourself, with others and with your life!

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