While many of us like to run and hide from big, heavy emotions, I believe every emotion has a seat at the table. Yes, even the messy tear-filled ones, like Sadness and even Grief.

While they may show up at the party uninvited, eat all the snacks and refuse to leave, Sadness and Grief aren’t just here to make us miserable. No, these two emotions show up to offer us some wise lessons about life, love and relationships.

While Sadness and especially Grief can feel like they’re quite literally squeezing the life out ofour heart, they’re not here to break us, but to make us stronger. To show us where we’ve attached meaning to something or someone. To help us see where we might be holding on a little too tightly.

That’s why today on I Love Me The Podcast we’re diving into the purpose of Sadness and Grief; why they show up, what they’re trying to teach us, and most importantly, how we can move through them with love and compassion.

 

Simple, inspiring lessons in self-love. Hi gorgeous, it’s Tamra here.

If you’ve listened to my episodes on Anger and Fear, you’ll know that I believe all emotions have a place in our life.

We simply need to understand why they’ve shown up.

And once we have that awareness, then it’s far easier to release that emotion, so we can expand into a more aligned, on purpose version of ourself.

Just as Anger and Fear are messengers, so is Sadness, and it’s close cousin Grief.

When we start to feel Sadness move in, we’re being reminded of something we deeply value.

Whether its the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a dream that didn’t come to life, or even a nostalgic longing for the past, Sadness marks the places where we’ve poured our love and energy.

But here’s the thing…

If we’re not careful, Sadness can turn into a thick fog that blankets our entire world.

Too much Sadness can make life feel like an old black-and-white movie – where we’re just going through the motions, not really feeling anything.

This can often be a precursor to depression.

I share my journey out of depression in Episode 32.

When we talk about Grief, we’re not just talking about the Grief one would feel after losing someone close to them, but the Grief of losing something that you care about.

Something you feel plays a big role in your life.

Something you may feel you need, in order to feel happy or content.

This could be…

A relationship, a job, money, fame, being rejected by people you valued in your life, or mourning the past.

Even the loss of particular opportunities.

Sometimes Grief can arise as a result of regretting something we have or haven’t done in the past, that’s led to our current life circumstances.

Major losses in early life make us more vulnerable to experiencing Sadness and Grief.

Some people wallow in it day in day out, believing that is simply the way of life.

Without this I cannot feel happy.

This idea comes from believing that in order to be happy and feel love, we must get something from out there.

Something from outside of ourselves.

Like we’re not whole and complete without this thing.

And so when that thing leaves us or alludes us, we can feel this deep Sadness or Grief…

For what was and is no longer, or what never was.

So here’s a question for you…

What if Sadness and Grief are here to show us where we’re attached?

We attach to people, jobs, objects and even ideas of how life ‘should be’.

We tell ourselves, ‘I need this person, this success, this approval to feel a certain way.’

And when it’s gone?

We feel lost.

Like something was taken from us.

But what if I told you, that the source of love and happiness was never outside of you to begin with?

And in fact, as you evolve spiritually, you will start to want less and need less.

The more this happens, the less affected you are by loss, realising that everything in life has a beginning and an end.

Therefore there will be loss.

Our job then, is to find the love and strength within to come to terms with that loss, to honour it’s place in our life, to acknowledge its passing, and move on with life, without its presence.

Knowing that we are whole and complete, just as we are.

And the love we sought through this person or thing, can be found within.

In my 20-plus years as a Self-Love Therapist, I’ve seen time and time again, that when someone experiences a great loss, and dives into a deep Sadness, often this is the catalyst for them to look inside.

To begin to explore a more spiritual path, so they can open to the love within.

Loss then, invites us to re-evaluate how we’re doing life, so we can make the necessary changes to become more aligned with our inner truth.

So we can start to become more self-reliant, in how we feel.

Drawing from our inner well of love, as opposed to seeking it from the people and things around us.

So in this way, I believe when we start to feel weighed down by Sadness or Grief, these emotions are showing us one important truth:

That we’ve become too attached to the thing or person we have lost, or never had.

And that our journey then, is to free ourselves of that attachment, which is one of the key processes I teach in my Remarkable Relationships program.

Because if we become too attached to a goal or person or object, then we unconsciously push it away.

And I’ll share more on how attachments hold us back us, is a future episode.

What I do want to say is:

We all experience loss, and Grief is the natural process of coming to terms with that loss.

In this way, Grief is a process of letting go, which if healthy, leads to a state of acceptance.

An opportunity to step more deeply into our authenticity.

So yes, grief is a normal and natural part of living a human life.

But if we sit in it for too long, when we suppress it, refuse to look at it, or decide to wallow in it for longer periods of time than is necessary, this becomes damaging to our health.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the emotions of Sadness and Grief are believed to be held in the Lungs.

If left unresolved, those emotions can weaken the health of our Lungs, making us more prone to colds, flus and respiratory issues.

So while it may be tempting to allow the grief to linger, believing: ‘Without this thing or this person, I can’t be happy’…

We don’t want to get stuck in the Sadness.

Otherwise the emotional suffering turns to physical suffering.

Now I’m not saying don’t feel sad.

Or don’t allow yourself time to grieve.

Feeling sad from time to time, or moving through a period of grief, is a part of life.

Something to be honoured and respected.

We are human, and therefore we are here to have a wide variety of experiences.

What I am saying, is to sit with the Sadness or Grief fully.

Give it your undivided attention.

Allow it to move though you.

For emotions are simply ‘energy in motion’.

If we push down our emotions, they get stuck in our cells.

But if we’re willing to really feel them, then they can move on out, and with that movement, show us a new perspective on our perceived loss.

Now you may be wondering, ok, so I need to fully feel the Sadness…

How do I do this?

Well, our body has a built-in mechanism to support us here, and it’s called tears.

The very thing that so many of us were taught to suppress.

To hold in.

In many cultures, especially for men, crying is seen as weak.

But science has shown time and time again..

That tears are one of the most therapeutic healing tools we have.

They’re like a detox for the soul.

Not only have researchers found that they reduce tension being held in the Lungs and body, but they remove toxins and increase our body’s ability to heal itself.

If you imagine a volcano waiting to explore, this is how the body feels when it’s not allowed to express.

So it’s no surprise that scientists found that people feel worse, when they suppress their tears.

As far back as 1957, it was known that emotional tears are chemically different from tears that result from eye irritation.

Emotional tears contain more protein and more beta-endorphins; some of our bodies’ natural pain-relievers.

Ever notice how when you cry, you literally breathe better afterward?

That’s because your body is releasing built-up Sadness through your breath.

Emptying it all out of your precious Lungs.

The very Lungs that allow you to stay alive!

Often people are scared that if they start crying, they’ll never stop.

But the truth is…

Tears aren’t weakness; they’re medicine.

They quite literally cleanse us…

Clearing out the emotional weight so we can move forward, free of the heaviness we’ve been carrying.

Just as we sweat and poop in order to release excess waste, so too must we cry from time-to-time, to clear out the toxins we have accumulated as part of living.

As William Shakespeare once wrote:

‘To weep is to make less the debt of grief’.

People of all ages cry because they need to, not because they’re weak or immature.

So, my invitation to you, if you suspect you may be holding onto some Sadness or Grief right now…

Let the tears flow.

And if you’re looking for some more guidance on how to lean into your Sadness or Grief, so you can allow it to move on out of your body, take a listen to Episode 14.

In this episode on ‘feelings’ I share that in order to heal, we must first, feel, offering you practical steps on the ‘how’.

Feeling a little resistance to what I’m sharing?

Well, spiritual research shows that all suffering and emotional pain comes about due to resistance.

When we stop resisting what is in our lives, and instead accept the current circumstances and the feelings that those circumstances ignite within us, then we can release the associated emotion.

In doing soon, we soon realise…

That we’re not letting go of the person, object, desire, goal or way of being, but rather, we’re letting go of the ‘attachment’ to that thing.

And as I shared earlier…

The deeper purpose of Sadness and Grief, is to reveal to us, what or who we have become attached to.

Once we acknowledge that we have outsourced our love and happiness, then we can return our focus to our true source of love and happiness.

To ourselves.

To tapping into that inner love, that is always available to us.

And if you’re not sure how to go about that, I have so many practices and tools for cultivating self-love on this podcast.

My favourite being the Love Wrap which you’ll find in Episode 3.

In this way, loss offers us freedom from our attachments so we can experience new opportunities and growth.

Deeper self-love.

While our mind will want to undo the change and return to the comfort of our former circumstances, growth and change are part of evolution.

As long as we cling to the past, and how things were before our loss, the more we prolong the Sadness, and put off a brighter, happier future.

Ok, let’s recap.

Sadness is here to show us where we’ve become attached.

In being willing to let go of that attachment, we free up the Sadness, so it can gently leave our body.

Because the real suffering comes not from the Sadness itself, but from resisting feeling it.

When we stop fighting what is, when we allow our emotions to move through us instead of getting stuck inside us, something shifts.

And here’s the real magic – when we release attachment, we don’t ‘lose’ love.

We actually find deeper love, one that isn’t dependant on anything or anyone.

So my love, if you’re moving though Sadness or Grief right not, know this…

It’s not here to break you.

It’s here to show you where your mind is holding onto someone or something.

And once you see that, you have a choice.

To release.

To heal.

To open your heart up to something new.

And in doing so, free your Lungs, so they can do their job properly, in bringing life-giving oxygen into your body to support you in living well.

Next week,I’ll be sharing my favourite ways to support and nourish the Lungs, so we can strengthen our emotional and physical resilience.

But today, let yourself feel.

Cry if you need to.

Breathe deeply.

And know that Sadness isn’t your enemy, but rather your teacher.

Showing you where you have formed an attachment.

Thanks for listening, and if you’d like extra support in moving through the depths of your Sadness or Grief, this is one of the processes I take my clients through as part of my One-on-One Intensive.

Simply take a peek at my online school gettingnaked.com.au and if you do enrol in this program or another that takes your fancy, know that a percentage of profits go to planting trees, so together, we can re-robe Mother Earth.