If you’ve been on this journey with me for a while now, you’ll know we all have a True Self; a guiding light within us – a place of inner wisdom – that’s free from the negative chatter of the mind.

Well, we also have what Sigmund Freud coined back in the 19th century, as an ‘Ego’. Ahhh, the Ego. Our misunderstood travelling companion, often blamed for our inner turmoil.

The question I invite you to consider: Is the Ego truely the villain it’s painted out to be?

Today on I Love Me The Podcast, I invite you to get to know your Ego, unravel it’s true purpose, and reimagine its role in the grand journey that is your life. Yes, today we’ll learn how the Ego can actually support you in loving and accepting yourself that little bit more each day.

 

I’d like to invite you into a new way of seeing and interacting with your Ego.

A way that will help you enter into a more loving relationship with the Ego, so your Ego can support you, as opposed to limit you or bring you unstuck.

So let’s begin by getting on the same page about what the ego actually is…

Now like with everything, there are different perspectives, different ways of thinking of things.

But for me…

The Ego is like a backseat driver, trying to keep us safe.

Safe from physical and emotional danger.

The Ego wants to direct us down roads in life, that will help us fit in and get what we want, all while staying alive and well.

Makes sense that we have an Ego then, right?

Problem is, the GPS the Ego follows is generally programmed with some incorrect data.

Some limiting beliefs, so to speak?

Limiting beliefs that makes us feel a certain way about ourselves and about our life.

A way that is generally quite fear-driven and harmful.

And this is how our Ego guides us through life.

It produces thoughts in our head, based on error-filled messages we took on as a child.

We collect this framework of beliefs when we’re small, and then as adults we operate within that framework.

It’s these limiting beliefs that dictate what we perceive as possible or impossible for ourselves.

And I share more about this in Episode 2, Programmed for Love.

That episode will give you a really thorough understanding of limiting beliefs.

Now when we experience situations that challenge these beliefs, the Ego steps in to protect them.

It believes that in order for us to stay safe, we MUST operate within the framework of our beliefs.

For it’s our beliefs that form our self-made identity.

If we don’t adhere to our beliefs then we risk losing the image we hold of ourself.

Who am I if I’m no longer the good girl, or the one who always gets good grades, or the responsible one, or the loser that always misses out?

Who am I, if I’m not this person?

So, if for example, we believe we’re not good enough, smart enough or capable enough, our Ego will work to maintain those beliefs.

It doesn’t matter if there’s evidence to the contrary or not…

Our Ego wants to preserve our sense of self, even if it means clinging onto beliefs that hold us back.

It’s these limiting beliefs that also serve to reinforce the Ego’s narrative about who we are and what we deserve.

They create a ‘comfort zone’ that the Ego is reluctant to leave, as venturing beyond it, would threaten its stability and control.

You see, stepping out of this framework of beliefs doesn’t feel safe, because it’s unfamiliar.

That’s why like I share in Episode 17: Are you comfy sitting in your comfort zone? we can feel a bit wobbly or anxious, when we try something new.

Yet, in order for us to change the results and outcomes we’re getting in life, we need to step into unfamiliar territory; we need to challenge our framework of beliefs.

Because it’s our beliefs that are keeping us getting the results we’re currently getting.

If we want different results, we need to change the beliefs that are creating those results.

So maybe one day you decide to change things up a bit.

You decide to ask a guy on a date.

You’ve never done that before, but you realise that maybe its your shy persona that has guys too scared to ask you out.

Maybe you’re accidentally putting out the ‘not interested’ vibe.

When really, you’re just shy.

So you decide today, ‘I’m going to ask that cute guy that often smiles at me… I’m going to ask him out!’

This whole idea of putting yourself out there, when there is no history of you doing this in the past, completely freaks out your Ego.

It fears for your emotional safety.

It gets so worried that you’ll be rejected.

‘Oh no’, it says.

‘What she’s trying to do isn’t within our framework of beliefs, I must stop her.’

And so the Ego, in a desperate attempt to get you to stick to your current framework of beliefs, fills your head with a cascade of reasons – ‘error messages’ if you like – trying to convince you of why asking this guy out is a terrible idea.

Suddenly your mind is full of thoughts like:

‘He’d never date someone like me’, ‘Oh, who am I to put myself out there like that’, ‘Won’t it ruin our friendship if he says no’, ‘He’s probably got a girlfriend and I’ll make a fool of myself’…

… and on the Ego goes…

You see, deep down you have a belief of ‘I’m not good enough’ and so your Ego turns that belief into one big negative rant.

A rant designed to ensure you stay within the framework of the belief ‘I’m not good enough’.

In this case, not good enough for a guy to say Yes to you.

As you can see it’s your framework of beliefs that provide the Ego with a sense of security and control.

If you follow your framework of beliefs by staying in that comfy comfort zone, then the Ego is at ease.

It knows what to expect, and that feels safe.

But…

If you start to challenge these beliefs by doing something different, the Ego has a panic attack, and will bombard you with negative thoughts that are aligned with your current beliefs.

When the Ego goes on one of its tirades, it can feel like punches to your whole sense of self.

It can feel like its trying to beat you back down into your old belief system.

Using sometimes savage thoughts to get your attention.

Thoughts to get you to realign with your current beliefs.

The Ego thinks it’s protecting you.

When ultimately, it’s hindering your growth and potential.

Now, if you’re NOT happy with the results and outcomes you’re getting in life, based on this framework the Ego is feeding off…. what do you do?

You enter into a loving relationship with your Ego.

Instead of hating on your Ego, and seeing it as the cause of your downfall.

The reason you can’t sustain a longterm relationship or hold down a job….

The cause of your health issue or the instigator of all the fights you have with your partner…

Instead of blaming it for all the ways it guides you to self-sabotage…

You get to know it.

Understand that the Ego is a part of what makes us human.

We need our Ego to live in this human world.

It’s essential to our survival.

When people start to hate on their Ego, they’re doing themselves a disservice.

How?

Because the Ego is part of who we are.

If we hate it, despise it, treat it like an unwelcome visitor, then we’re essentially hating a part of ourself.

And that’s not self-loving.

We want to be able to love our Ego for the very important role it plays in our life.

For helping alert us to the danger up ahead.

Yes, it’s our Ego that will freeze us in fear when we’re about to accidentally step off a cliff, so we don’t die.

AND the other role the Ego plays…

Is revealing to us the beliefs that are stopping us from growing and experiencing a happier, healthier, more abundant life.

When we can look at our ego and see it as a messenger…

…A messenger showing us the exact framework of beliefs that are hindering us…

Then we have something to work with.

In order to change our beliefs – like I teach in the Remarkable Relationships program – we first need to have an awareness of what those beliefs actually are.

And it’s our Ego that is sooo good at showing us those beliefs, through the onslaught of negative thoughts it throws at us, when we’re about to grow.

In fact, often times, our Ego will show us our beliefs, when we’re not even trying to grow.

Anytime we have negative thoughts in our head – this is our Ego giving us a running commentary of what beliefs are not currently serving us.

Instead of buying into them, instead of letting them dictate our direction in life… we can take note of them.

We are not our thoughts, so we don’t need to let them rain on our happy parade.

We all have beliefs playing out, that are holding us back in some way.

That’s part of the human condition.

And our lifelong project, is to identify the beliefs, and then clear them, so we can have more positive and supportive beliefs.

So we can live a life of our choosing, where we feel free and alive and fulfilled.

And our Ego plays a big part in helping us do this.

So let’s get super clear on this important truth…

The Ego is there to help show you the framework of beliefs that are not supporting you right now.

And it does that, through filling your head with negative thoughts.

We know our Ego is wanting to show us our rubbish beliefs, when our thoughts make us feel bad in some way.

This can often be felt as an incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking patterns that trigger off specific feelings and emotions.

Any thought pattern that doesn’t feel good…

Is simply our Ego offering us insight into what needs cleaning up in our subconscious mind.

Got it!??

Ok… Let’s move on…

Once you know what the beliefs are, simply notice them.

Don’t judge them, don’t identify with them.

Don’t let them drag you into a funk.

They’re just thoughts.

They’re not real.

They’re not who you are.

You simply adopted some gunky ways of being and doing life that you accidentally took on a child.

Like every other person on the planet.

That’s all.

So you simply notice the thoughts.

Thank your Ego for showing you the stuff you need to clear out.

For bringing this to your awareness.

Yes, be grateful that your Ego was able to bring this to your attention.

That your Ego was doing its job!

That’s the beauty of our Ego.

Now, what’s really interesting, is that when we show our Ego love in this way; when we express gratitude towards our Ego, then it knows it’s done what it needed, and it can have a rest.

Yes, when we invite love into those situations, where our Ego is throwing muddy thoughts our way, it helps calm the situation.

This is what I refer to as:

Loving away your Ego.

Our ego thrives off fear, overwhelm, worry, anxiety… self beat-up…

If we get caught up in one of our Ego triggers, if we hate on our Ego and see it as bad, if we go into a negative downward spiral because of the thoughts our Ego is showing us, then we’re feeding the Ego more Ego.

And everyone knows that if you add fuel to fire, the fire only grows bigger and stronger.

So instead of succumbing to the Ego’s negative pull, we have the awareness to shower it with love, essentially putting water on the flames.

The love and gratitude being the water.

That might look something like this…

You’re asked to apply for a better role at work.

Initially you’re so excited.

Your True Self is jumping for joy, as this feels like the perfect new direction for you.

Then your Ego goes into a panic.

In a bid to keep you safe within your current belief system, your Ego starts to tell you a mind full of negative rubbish such as…

‘You’ll never get the role. You don’t have the skills. You know it’ll mean you’ll have to work overtime, and that’ll dig into your family time and social life. And then you’ll be earning more than your husband. And you know what that will do to his self-esteem. You’ll crumple him. And women can’t earn more than men….’

And so on it goes…

With a whole lot of stuff that has absolutely NO truth to it, but is simply designed to keep you small; to coax you back into your comfort zone.

So you stay within the framework of your belief system, that does not support this promotion.

And so you don’t apply for the new role.

Any thoughts your Ego throws at you that are full of judgment or small-mindedness, or that convince you that something is too hard or painful…

These are all ways the Ego tries to get our attention, to help us get the memo, that we need to shift our beliefs around.

We need to take some time to create a new framework of beliefs for ourself to operate within.

Now, let’s reverse that…

You get asked to apply for that promotion.

You feel that initial excitement…

Then you hear your Ego ark up, and start to spout all those gunky thoughts at you…

Like it always does when you know you’re about to upgrade your belief system.

Only this time, you know this is simply your Ego trying to let you know what beliefs are not aligned with your new career path.

And so you have a little conversation with your Ego:

‘Thank you Ego for looking out for me. I know you want to keep me safe. Thanks for letting me know where my beliefs are out of alignment for this new role. Now I’m going to let my True Self take it from here.’

And then you fill yourself up with love, as I taught up in Episode 3, and you let your True Self guide you forward.

Because our True Self is not influenced by our beliefs.

Therefore our True Self is the one we want in the driver’s seat of our metaphorical car.

I share more about our True Self and the role it plays in our life in Episode 4: Meet your True Self. A journey into authenticity.

Now…

Remember how earlier I said our Ego is like the backseat driver of the car that is moving us through life….

Well, that’s where we want our Ego to stay, in the backseat.

From there, our Ego can alert us to any possible danger.

When we take a new route in life, it can let us know what beliefs we might need to clean up, so we’re more aligned with that new route.

If the Ego stays in the backseat, then we’re sweet.

We have the information we need.

And we can let the driver of our car – our True Self – take it from there.

Because it’s our True Self that we want driving us through life.

Why?

Because our True Self is not influenced by our beliefs.

It can see beyond our beliefs…

And because of this, it will guide us from a place of love, and belief, and inner wisdom.

Imagine for a moment, there’s a big gorgeous tower surrounded by a large forest of trees.

The tower is much taller than any of these trees, and so when you stand at the top of this tower, you can see the whole forest and beyond.

You can see anyone or anything that’s approaching.

If you go down the tower and step outside, all you can see is the surrounding forest.

You can’t see beyond the first few rows of trees, so if there was something or someone of danger in or beyond the forest, you wouldn’t be able to see them.

We can liken our Ego’s view of the world, being like that of standing on the ground, looking into the forest.

It’s easily triggered into fear-states, because it can’t actually see if there is true danger or not.

It may hear sounds, or it may see shadows – shadows we may liken to our limiting beliefs – but it doesn’t see the whole picture.

So all it can share with us, is all the reasons why venturing into the forest is a bad idea.

When we go up the tower and look out from the top, we can see everything.

We have a 360 degree view.

We’re not trapped by our fears and framework of beliefs.

Because we can see the truth.

We can see it ALL from up here.

This is what it’s like for our True Self.

Our True Self can see things that we wouldn’t know about, if we were back standing on the ground, letting our Ego be our informer.

That’s why when we tune into our True Self, we get a better view of the truth of the situation, a view that’s not tainted by our limiting beliefs and conditioned fears.

And this is why we always want our True Self driving the car.

When you have your True Self driving your car through life, with your Ego sitting in the backseat, alerting you to the upcoming road blocks and traffic hazards…

This is your ideal situation.

Where most people get into trouble, is that when the Ego starts to give them information, alerting them to some unaligned beliefs, they hand the steering wheel over to their Ego.

In other words, they enter into the fear-state of the Ego.

They start to worry, feel overwhelmed, get anxious…

They align with the energy of the Ego.

Then, because the Ego doesn’t actually know how to drive the car, it takes you in the wrong direction, away from what you want, and maybe even drives you into a ditch.

It essentially directs you to self-sabotage in some way.

(I share more about why we self-sabotage in Episode 10: And this s why we self-sabotage…)

What you need to know, is:

Your Ego is NEVER ever meant to drive the car!!!!

What I mean by that, is you never ever want to make decisions – especially those important decisions – from a place of fear.

From a place of feeling small or bad or limited in some way.

The driver’s seat of the car is saved purely for your True Self.

The part of you that is free from your limiting thinking patterns and beliefs.

The part of you that knows how to make decisions that will support you in living the life you ultimately wish to live.

Your Ego alerts you to the beliefs that could trip you up, so you thank your Ego for letting you know…

That’s the loving thing to do…

Then before your ego has a chance to coax you into a fear-state, you ask your True Self to guide you forth.

So let’s make sure that’s clear…

The Ego’s role is to alert you to any dangers or beliefs that would stop you taking the route in life that’s in your highest good.

Our True Self’s role is to evaluate if the danger is real, and if so, to guide you safely through it.

Therefore our Ego and our True Self have very important roles to play in our life.

And knowing this, can help us cultivate a healthier relationship with our Ego, so we can use the information it gives us via gunky thoughts, to support our growth.

To support us in loving ourself more.

Now, we know that we don’t want our Ego to drive the car; that’s saved for our True Self.

Then…

What do we do with all the information our Ego is giving us?

How do we make sense of it?

Like I said, our Ego will give us front-row seats to the limiting beliefs we’re holding onto; the ones that bring us undone.

Once we know what those beliefs are, we want to clear them.

Rearrange them, shift them into more supportive beliefs.

This is what I teach in my Remarkable Relationships course.

For the less limiting beliefs we have, the less our Ego will be triggered.

Because remember, our limiting beliefs are what fuel the Ego.

Every time our Ego arks up, it’s letting us know what unhelpful beliefs we’re storing in our subconscious mind.

The negative thoughts our Ego shares with us, help us know what we believe about ourself, so we can change those beliefs into more loving beliefs.

Hence, each Ego sharing is an opportunity to learn how to love ourselves more.

We approach our Ego with love, by thanking it for looking out for us, and then we choose to let our True Self guide us.

That is an act of self-love.

Then we deepen our love for ourself, by noticing what Ego thoughts arose, and we clear them, so we have a healthier belief system.

And our Ego doesn’t trigger so easily.

So instead of reacting to the Ego when you get plagued by a heap of negative thoughts and emotions.

Instead of believing what the Ego shares with you…

Breathe.

Realise your Ego is delivering you an insight.

Some important feedback.

Letting you know what beliefs you took on as a child, that are not serving you now.

So you can make some changes to your subconscious programming.

This isn’t about fighting your Ego, or letting your Ego take you out…

It’s about aligning yourself with your True Self.

Letting your True Self drive the car.

OK, let’s recap…

We know our Ego is at play if we feel inferior or superior, if we try to control something or someone, if we go into comparison mode – yep that’s some major ego feedback – if we feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious…

If we feel shame or embarrassment…

In short, if we don’t feel good… we know our Ego has snuck back into the driver’s seat of our car, and is steering us down the road of self-sabotage.

As you go about life, these are all the signs you need to look out for, so you can catch your Ego before it speeds up so fast, even a red light can’t stop it.

Sooo…

You notice your Ego is driving; awareness is the first step to turning this around.

Thank your Ego for looking out for you, and then fill yourself up with love, and let your True Self slide back into the driver’s seat.

While this is a simple exercise in theory, when you start out, you might find it’s a little trickier, because you’re still exploring how your Ego works, and the little tactics your Ego will use to stay in the diver’s seat of your life.

Simply know, if something doesn’t feel good, your Ego is driving.

Notice what your ego is telling you.

Take note of it, to work with later.

Then choose for your True Self to take the wheel again.

Practise this, and then practice it some more, and before you know it, you’ll have entered into a healthier relationship with your Ego, where your Ego is actually helping you deepen your love for yourself.

I’ll leave it there for today, so you can take what I’ve shared with you for a test-drive.

Then next week, we’ll go a little deeper on this, so you can get better at spotting when your Ego is in the diver’s seat and when your True Self is in the driver’s seat.

Because sometimes, it can be tricky to tell!

Until then, if you’re loving these teachings, I would be so grateful if you could leave a short review or rating… maybe even tell your friends about it…

And if you want to learn how to clear your limiting beliefs, and gain tools for listening more deeply to your True Self, then take a peek at my Remarkable Relationships program.

I’ll pop a link to my online school, in the show notes.

This 3-month program gives you the tools I use daily, to help me live from a place of love and authenticity, so I can have a healthy relationship with every area of my life.

It’s the tools I wish I’d been taught when I was growing up.

And please know, if you do enrol in any of my programs, a percentage of profits go to planting trees, so together we can re-robe Mother Earth.