I love this quote from the Dalai Lama: ‘Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible’. Always possible, but not always practiced.

Hence why I invite you to consider for a moment…

• Are you being kind?
• Kind to yourself?
• Kind to the people around you?
• Do you move through your day with the intention of being kind?

Kindness is a necessary path to self-love. It’s something we can practise to help us deepen our love for ourself, and as a result, deepen our love and respect for those around us.

So today on I Love Me The Podcast, let’s explore how we can be kinder in the way we approach ourselves and how we approach life.

 

When we think about being kind, we often think about being kind to others.

And while we certainly want to extend kindness to the people around us, the skill we really want to cultivate – so we can be better human beings overall – is being kind to ourself.

So today on World Kindness Day, I invite you to consider for a moment, what life would be like, if you offered yourself a little more kindness…

How would you treat yourself?

What would be the internal soundtrack of your mind, if it played a kinder song with lyrics of a kinder nature?

How would you talk to yourself, when things don’t go your way?

Consider that now…

As I shared in Episode 1: What is TRUE self-love?, showing oneself kindness and compassion are essential in the practical application of self-love.

It’s learning how to be kind to ourself, that we get to develop an unconditional relationship with ourself, that supports us through our darkest moments.

Yet, from a young age we start to learn how to be unkind to ourself.

How to treat ourself as ‘less than’.

How to abandon ourselves when we feel we’ve stuffed up.

How to judge and compare ourselves to others; all unkind ways of being.

There is often this misconception that if I give myself – or another person – a hard time, they’ll pick up there game, they’ll do better.

But this rarely works.

People don’t thrive from unkind treatment such as constant criticism.

Tell a person enough times how hopeless they are, and eventually they’ll start to believe it.

And then, start acting that way.

However, if you offer someone kindness, some loving, positive feedback, not only are you treating someone with kindness – the way we should treat ALL human beings – you’re helping build their  confidence in themself.

You’re helping them believe in themself.

A person who has self-belief, performs better, acts nicer, and can more easily step into their innate brilliance.

And this is backed up by scientific evidence…

Not only does being kind make us happier – and thus, lower depression rates – it boosts our health, our emotional and physical wellbeing, and it helps us feel more loved.

Which is so needed right now.

It goes without saying, that choosing the kind approach, will ALWAYS reap benefits for all involved.

So let’s look at what it means to be kind…

According to the Oxford Dictionary, kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.

If we look at Buddhist tradition, they see loving-kindness as the genuine feeling of concern for the happiness and well-being of others.

But in Buddhist teachings there is also an emphasis on the need to develop loving kindness towards oneself.

And that’s what I want to begin with today.

Because we will treat others, how we treat ourself.

In this way, loving and accepting ourself – through being kind to ourself – is the first step in developing loving-kindness towards others.

And the very planet we live on.

So how do we be more kind to ourself?

For me, learning how to be kinder to ourself feels easier, when I’m willing to consider myself my very own best friend.

We are all in relationship with ourself, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Once we establish that we have this relationship with ourself, we can start to ask ourselves questions like:

If I were my own best friend…

• How would I treat myself?
• How would I talk to myself?
• How would I care for my body?
• Would I respect myself?
• Would I value myself?
• What would I do differently in relating to myself?

What often happens in friendships, is that we treat a person well, until they do something that upsets us, then we push them away or treat them differently.

This happens with our friendship with ourself.

Maybe you do something you’re not proud of, and so you start to berate yourself for stuffing up or not being good enough.

Perhaps you fall into the comparison trap and start to judge yourself for having a big nose or stumpy legs…

You act kind to yourself when you perceive yourself as doing ‘well’, or looking good…

But then you lay into yourself, the rest of the time.

This is what’s known as ‘conditional kindness’.

We be kind to ourself when we perceive ourselves as doing well, as succeeding at something, and then we stop being kind the minute we see a flaw in our very human self.

Instead of only being kind in certain circumstances, we want to move towards being kind ALL the time.

Even when we’re looking at our stuff – we all have unresolved stuff – doing so through the lens of kindness.

And letting kindness be the baseline for how we treat ourself on a day by day, moment by moment basis.

To begin this journey into unconditional kindness towards ourself, we need to start by noticing where we retract our love and kindness.

What is the moment that we stop loving ourselves and allow in the negative criticisms…

We all have an inner critic – an Ego – that is fuelled by the beliefs we carry.

Once we can shine light on these places, then – without judging those unkind words or behaviours – we take a moment to acknowledge how we feel.

That’s the first step.

We’re not trying to change anything.

We’re not pushing away that unkind feeling toward ourselves.

We’re simply noticing how we feel, and acknowledging, that’s how we feel in this moment.

We’re being honest with ourselves.

This is what I did or didn’t do, and this is how I feel about it.

Or this is what’s going on for me, and it makes me feel like this.

Next, we offer ourself kindness.

It may be a physical gesture like a big hug, or some kind words like:

‘I’m here for you. And I love you even though you feel this way right now.’

You offer yourself the support you would offer the best friend that is you.

The support you need in that moment.

You give that to yourself.

You hold space for yourself.

Finally, we take a moment to feel and accept that offering of kindness.

To experience that gesture of friendship to oneself.

Sit with it.

Take it in.

Again, we’re not trying to make anything happen.

We’re learning how to accept our own kindness.

For, if you’re not so familiar with being kind to yourself, it can feel strange to begin with, maybe even a little superficial.

But with practise, that feeling of kindness will start to be felt on a deeper level.

Whatever’s going on for you, all you need to do is offer yourself this kind of loving response, and you start to activate your kindness-muscle.

And like any muscle, it will grow stronger the more you use it.

So instead of waiting until the day that we live up to some perfect image of the human we think we need to be, we start being kind now.

The more we can treat ourselves in this way, the more we can treat our children, our partners, our friends, our colleagues in the same way.

‘Oh, you just dropped your cereal all over our expensive carpet? That’s ok sweetie. Accidents happen. What do you think we can learn from this?’

You acknowledge that what happened wasn’t ideal, but you show loving kindness towards that person who is still learning, still growing, and whose psychological wellbeing is more important than carpet, no matter how much it cost!

Your partner comes home from work, and announces that they just lost their job.

Even though you’ve been struggling financially, you have the choice to show loving kindness, and realise that your partner is human, with big human feelings, and right now they need your support.

And so you offer it.

You can problem solve later.

But in this moment, you offer the support your partner most needs; kindness, understanding, love.

When we’re NOT kind, there are ALWAYS consequences.

To ourself and to the people involved.

Not only do we sever the meaningful connection we may have with that person, when we’re not kind, it drains our energy and can make us feel just plain awful.

That’s why I invite you to stop expecting yourself and the people around you, to live up to some picture of perfection, and instead, connect with that person.

Offer them loving kindness.

Because you know what…??

While we may act and behave in ‘interesting’ ways sometimes, at our core, we are ALL good people.

We are good descent human beings, and we are supported in tapping into that goodness, when others see that goodness in us.

When they show us kindness and love, they’re helping us remember the truth of who we are.

And in taking this kinder approach to how we interact with the people around us, we get to practice coming from a place of love.

We get to learn how to be a conduit of love.

In this way, every time our child or partner do something that may in the past, have triggered us into a negative reaction, we get the opportunity to learn how to be kinder, more loving human beings.

Better versions of ourself, that have the ability to create a more loving world.

We lead by example…

We become role models to those around us.

For it’s in our nature to learn from others.

We watch and notice how people are with themselves, and with the people around them.

Especially children; they essentially mimic the behaviours of the big people they spend the most time with.

So if you want to teach your child kindness, you need to be kind.

You need to show your children what kindness looks and feels like.

Even to the adults around you.

When we treat ourselves with kindness, and we treat others with kindness, it shows others how we wish to be treated.

The truth is, the only way to ‘teach’ kindness, is to be kind.

Now let’s be brutally honest…

Sometimes we don’t feel like showing love to others, especially those who have hurt us or treated us in an unsavoury manner.

That’s where kindness can be easier to work with than love.

Think of practising kindness like practising love with training wheels on.

We start with kindness, and then the better we get at it, the easier it comes, and the more willing and able we are to practise love.

The harder it feels to practise kindness with a certain person or in a certain situation, the more powerful it is when we do it.

It’s when we feel like our kindness-muscle has atrophied that the greatest healing is available to us.

In these situations, it can be helpful to consider that if a person is treating you in a really awful manner, they’re treating themselves even worse.

For how we treat others and how others treat us, is a direct reflection of how we treat ourself.

I discuss this in more depth in Episode 7: Use your relationships to grow your self-love.

So if someone isn’t being kind to you, then you can do some reflection and explore where you’re being unkind to yourself.

Heal that, and you’ll find it easier to be kind to the person in question.

From there, you can start to feel compassion for what that person might be feeling toward themselves.

And through compassion, you can start to reconnect with kindness.

Notice if there are people who you don’t believe deserve your kindness.

Notice it without judgment…

Knowing this is simply a reflection of some part of you not believing you are deserving of kindness.

Then be kind anyway.

Be kind to people even if you don’t believe they deserve it.

Be kind to yourself, even though you may not believe you deserve it.

Practise… and then practise some more, knowing that:

We ALL deserve kindness.

This doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you.

Setting loving but firm boundaries is all a part of the self-love journey, and part of being kind to yourself.

It just means that you’re willing to be kind, regardless of what someone has done in the past, knowing that in doing so, you’re showing people how you wish to be treated.

You’re setting an example for what it means to be a good kind-hearted person.

Whatever you do, don’t wait for someone to be kind to you before you’re kind to them.

You get the kindness train chuffing along, knowing that in doing so, you’re strengthening your kindness muscle, and helping to create a more loving heart-led world.

When we’re touched by kindness, it makes us want to be kinder.

I remember when I was living in the Dandenong Ranges in Australia.

I was walking home one day, and one of the houses on our street, had left out a bucket of herbs all bunched up into little bouquets, with a sign saying ‘Take one’.

I was so taken by this kind gesture, I took a bunch of herbs, and then the next day, I collected half a dozen eggs from our chooks and put it in that house’s letterbox, with a note that read ‘Thanks for the herbs’.

Later that week, the lady who lived there came by with a bunch of flowers from her garden, and that led to the formation of a beautiful friendship.

Showing small acts of kindness can spark friendships, or deepen existing relationships.

It can create whole communities.

And it can teach our children how to create a more loving, and more kind world to live in.

In this way…

Being kind isn’t just some trivial little thing we ‘should’ practise.

Being kind is at the very core of what it means to live from a place of love.

To share our authenticity.

To be real, and to honour ourselves and those around us.

Kindness then, is a direct path to self-love.

When you’re deciding to do something, check in…

Is this kind to myself and the people involved?

For instance, your child isn’t getting ready for school quick enough.

Instead of yelling at them or getting frustrated, ask yourself:

How can I be kinder in this situation?

In my experience with my son, if I’m kind to him, as opposed to trying to get him to hurry up out of frustration, he is always more helpful.

Because remember, that kindness breeds more kindness.

The kinder you are to others, the more kind they’ll be to you.

What I love about setting the intention to be more kind, is that it invites us to practise many different qualities, such as compassion, patience, gentleness, gratitude, generosity, empathy and open-heartedness.

It’s about living in a way that shows you genuinely care for yourself and the people and world around you.

This week I invite you to take a kinder, more compassionate approach with yourself.

Realise you’re human, and love yourself for it!

Start with you, because that’s where we need to start with any positive changes we make.

A question you may like to ask yourself each day is:

How can I be more kind to myself today?

Meditate or journal on it.

If you’ve never journaled before it’s a great practice to help you delve deep into a question like this.

I have a whole episode on how to journal, check out Episode 20: Journaling: The cheapest therapy around here.

Sometimes being kind to ourself, looks like turning off the TV or computer, and having an early night.

Or eating more nourishing foods, or engaging in physical activity that fills you with joy.

Other times, it’ll be considering what thoughts no longer serve you, and choosing a different, kinder thought instead.

Practise being kind to yourself and you’ll find you naturally start to treat others with more heart-felt kindness.

Maybe it’s a warm smile to that stranger on the street.

Or offering someone help, being more compassionate to your partner, donating money or clothes to charity…

Holding the door open for someone…

Saying ‘thank you’ and genuinely meaning it.

Picking up some rubbish, or buying less plastic are easy ways to be kinder to the Earth that supports our very existence.

Whatever you do, see if you can do it with kindness.

The more kind we are, the kinder we wish to be.

And this is how we create a more loving, kind world to live in.

Next week we’ll explore what to do when Miss Fear drops round for a cuppa.

If you want to transform your relationship with fear, this episode will do it, so you can approach life with more confidence and certainty.

Enjoy planting some seeds of kindness this week, water them with more kindness, and just notice what grows thanks to your outpouring of kindness.

And if you’re feeling like offering a little kindness my way, I would be so appreciative of a short review or ranking.

Thanks for listening, and if you’re loving what I’m sharing on I Love Me The Podcast, and want to dive deeper into self-love, take a peek at my online school gettingnaked.com.au where I teach you how to strip off the layers of childhood conditioning so you can fall in love with YOU.

Sign up for your free Self-Love Starter’s Kit there, and if you do enrol in any of my programs, know that a percentage of profits go to planting trees, so together we can re-robe Mother Earth.