Ep.1 What is TRUE self-love?

Tamra MerciecaPodcast4 Comments

What is TRUE self-love?

Self-Love is the act of making friends with oneself.

Showing oneself kindness and compassion, listening to that inner voice of wisdom over the loud noise of the mind.

It’s a minute-by-minute, day-by-day practice of accepting ourself – showing ourself unconditional love – regardless of our actions or behaviours or current life circumstances.

That, is TRUE self-love.

Let’s begin by exploring what self-love actually is

What does it look like?

What does it feel like when we’re loving ourself?

And how can self-love make our lives feel whole and complete.

Because as I’ve learnt over many years of exploration in this field: Self-love really is the foundation upon which we can create a deeply fulfilling and vibrant life.

Without self-love, life can feel hard or challenging, it can feel lonely, disempowering; it can lack that spark that makes us feel truely alive.

That makes us want to cuddle up on the sofa and give ourselves a great big hug!

Just because.

So together, let’s get super clear, on what it really means to truely love oneself.

I’m sure you’ve heard different definitions in the past.

But for me, self-love really boils down to this…

Self-Love is the act of making friends with oneself.

We’re talking about showing oneself kindness and compassion, and to be open to listening to the inner voice of wisdom, above the loud noise of the mind.

It’s where minute-by-minute, day-by-day, we practise accepting ourself – showing ourself unconditional love – regardless of our actions or behaviours or current life circumstances.

If we look at Buddhist tradition, it’s believed that if we want to cultivate love and deepen relationships – or if we want to attain enlightenment – we need to begin by making friends with ourself.

So for me, that’s what self-love is, it’s being willing to enter a relationship with ourself, where we spend time listening to ourself, where we nurture ourself and our needs, where we honour and respect ourself, and where we’re willing to fully accept ourself, even in our darkest, most vulnerable moments.

So in this respect, while self-love can be something we do – you know like getting a facial or a massage – for me, self-love is more about how we are with ourself.

A way of being.

Now don’t get more wrong, having nurturing self-care practices that we regularly indulge in; these kinds of practices are a display of love for ourself.

A way to quite literally practise self-love, and in practising self-love, deepen further into loving ourself.

In this way, we can consider our self-love practices, like being a pathway to self-love.

Yet if we look at the true core of self-love, it goes deeper than these practices alone.

Self-love is a way of being with oneself.

A way that involves being kind to oneself.

And being even more kind to ourself when we’re going through a rough time.

When we’re facing challenges, when we’re struggling to get the results we’ve been working so hard for…

Self-love is the willingness to accept ourself for the full range of who we are.

And what I mean by that, is to accept all of ourself.

The complete colour palette of emotions.

The full spectrum of experiences.

For life isn’t going to be all sunflowers and butterflies, because we’re human, and part of being human is having a wide and varied journey through life, so that we can grow, and explore the many aspects of what it means to live in this physical body.

We want to accept ourself, while at the same time, be willing to look at the places that need some extra attention, some extra love.

And then take the necessary steps to move towards a healthier, more whole version of ourself.

To show up for ourself, as opposed to abandoning ourself at the first sign of some big emotion or feeling.

In mainstream culture there’s a tendency to run away from ourself when we’re struggling with something.

To pick up our phone and scroll, have a wine when we feel down or turn on the television to distract us from our woes…

These are examples of how we essentially abandon ourself.

We don’t want to be walking out on ourself in our times of need.

We want to be holding space for ourself.

Because if you think about it, that’s hopefully, what you’d do for a dear friend or close family member.

And that’s what we want to be doing for ourself.

When we’re feeling challenged in some way, this is a key moment – a precious opportunity – to practice true self-love.

Loving all of ourself.

Staying with ourself.

Holding ourself through that challenge.

Being there for ourself, as we would a good friend.

Prioritising ourself and our needs at any given time, because we know we matter.

When we have self-love we’re able to show ourself compassion, be patient with ourself and understanding of the challenges we face.

And the way we get good at doing this, is by cultivating self-love practices – like meditation, yoga, journalling – and then using the skills we learn during those practices, when we need them most.

Out in the real world.

When life gets a little topsy turvy.

That’s why we do our self-love practices, so we get better at life.

And ultimately, so we get better at loving and accepting ourself, especially in our darker moments.

Because it’s one thing to be all Zen-like on the yoga mat.

But it takes a deep cultivation of courage and respect – and self-love – to be able to smoothly glide through your day when you’re met with some emotion-rearranging situation or are released from a job or relationship that felt really important to you.

When, what feels like a major catastrophe bursts onto the scene of our life, we need the inner resources to deal with it.

And to deal with it, in a way that comes from a place of love, as opposed to fear.

For when we’re able to approach those challenging times with a solid dose of love and compassion, we’re able to turn the straw into gold.


My intention with this podcast, is to share with you teachings on self-love; simple lessons on loving yourself that little bit more.

And I offer you these lessons as an invitation to explore how you are with yourself, so you have the awareness needed to one-day-at-a-time, expand your love for yourself.

Each week I’ll share these lessons for you to ponder, alongside steps you can take or practices you can weave into your life, that will help you cultivate a deeper love for yourself.

For when you love yourself, you’ll find that life loves you back.

And I’m serious….

Let’s look at why self-love is the most important skill you can cultivate…

When we love ourself we treat ourself better.

We look after our body through loving movement and healthy foods.

And so our health improves.

We respect and value ourself, and how we treat ourself teaches others how we wish to be treated.

So our relationships improve.

We only attract in people who respect our boundaries, and see our worth.

When we believe in ourself, and what we’re worth, we feel more capable, so we perform better at work, and are able to command a higher pay, all the while enjoying what we do.

When we love ourself our energy changes.

And by that, I mean we become more magnetic, easily attracting to us the people, resources and situations we need to achieve the goals we wish to materialise into our life.

But ultimately, the cherry on top of the self-love pudding has to be our mental health.

When we love ourself, we feel good about ourself.

And that really is, all we can ever ask for…

To feel so good about ourself, we no longer feel the need to compare ourself to others.

We no longer worry what others think of us.

Imagine how freeing that would be?

How much that would create space in your mind, so that you have more focus and more energy to pour yourself into the things that you deeply care about.

The things that matter most to you.

The things that truely light you up.

If you prioritise self-love, everything else will fall into place.

Because YOU are the central person in everything you do in life.

If your Love Tank is full, this is what fuels your projects, your relationships and your personal wellbeing.

Our whole life – and our experience of that life – is directly influenced, by the amount of love we have for ourself.

When we do the inner work – and fall in love with ourself – life really does, love us back.

So that is why self-love is so important.

That’s why cultivating true self-love deserves a place in our life.

Because we are love, and our ability to connect with the truth of that, directly influences our whole existence as a human being living here on planet Earth.

As the Irish poet and playright, Oscar Wilde, once said:

‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance’.

We all deserve to live our deliciously romantic love-story life.


This week, I simply invite you to ponder what self-love could look like for YOU.

  • How would you feel?
  • How would you show up in your life if you loved yourself whole-heartedly?
  • How would you do things differently to how you’re doing them now?
  • And what would you need to let go of, so you could fall unapologetically head over-heels, in love with YOU?
  • Thanks so much for listening.

If this episode ‘What is true self-love? ‘ was helpful, I’d be so grateful if you could give it a rating or a little review in your podcast app…

Next week, I’ll share the number one reason why true self-love alludes so many people.

Episode 2 lands the morning of Wednesday 14th Australian time.

And what you can do to literally ‘program’ yourself for love.

Until then..

May your heart feel a little fuller, and your mind a little wiser.

Mwah x

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4 Comments on “Ep.1 What is TRUE self-love?”

  1. Hi Tamra,

    Your blog is such a blessing and reminder to me of how I want to be with myself.

    I especially like the friend reference. I never thought about hold space for myself…

    What a gift!!!

    I look forward to relistening to this blog… and to receiving within myself, more of your weekly wisdom…

    Much Peace and Joy to You PreciousTamar,
    💕 Cindy

    1. Yes, when we treat ourselves as a dear friend – and have that as a focus – it makes self-love feel more tangible. So happy to hear this episode resonated with you xxx

  2. Dear Tamra, your comment “part of being human is having a wide and varied journey through life“ is not only true but very instructive to all of us who battle, at times, with less happy experiences. It is great to have an understanding of this, as you do. Thankyou


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