I’d like to explore the very common struggle of ‘being enough’ today.
Because if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that I’m all about helping people identify their limiting beliefs.
You know, the unhealthy ideas and thoughts we believe about ourselves.
The ones that make us feel down on ourself or ‘less than’, and essentially trip us up in life.
For once we can identify these beliefs, then we can start the process of stripping them off, so that we can see ourselves for who we really are; enough.
Hence, one of the first beliefs I generally help people clear in my One-on-One Intensive is ‘I’m not enough’.
Because think about it…
If you don’t believe you’re enough, then how do you think this belief impacts the decisions you make, the actions you take and how you ultimately feel about yourself?
Yes, thinking ‘I’m not enough’ can lead us to live a life where we unconsciously play small.
Maybe we don’t ask that person on a date, because we don’t think we’re good enough for them.
Or perhaps we don’t act on that awesome business idea or apply for that promotion, because we just don’t think we’re good enough to get the gig or make that business idea actually work.
Maybe, on the other hand, this belief of ‘I’m not good enough’ has you striving – climbing all the corporate ladders you can get your hands on, but never ever feeling like you’re enough.
At the end of the day, feeling ‘enough’ has nothing to do with our achievements, abilities, titles or possessions.
You can be a rich as a decadent chocolate mouse, own a French chateau with a sea view, and be the owner of a super successful, well-regarded company… yet… still not feel enough.
So what is being enough really about?
Actually believing you’re enough.
Yes, feeling enough is a bi-product of believing something about yourself, and has absolutely nothing to do with what you’ve done with your life or what you’re currently doing with your life.
Hence why when I help someone clear a belief like ‘I’m not enough’, their whole world changes.
Firstly, they start to feel good about themselves.
That in itself, is MASSIVE!!!!
Secondly, they start to act and behave in ways that not only feel good, but allow them to live a full, happy and fulfilling life.
Not one driven by the belief of not being enough.
As you can imagine ‘I’m not enough’ was one of the first beliefs I cleared out of my subconscious when I was in my 20s, when I first started cleaning up my life.
And as a result, I have been free to pursue all that I wanted – all that inspired me – without the underlying self-doubt, that can often cause us to self-sabotage ourselves, when we have a deeply ingrained belief of not being enough.
But late in 2021, I felt called to go deeper.
I was experiencing some pelvic issues, and knew this was a sign of needing to take this work to a new level.
I had felt ‘enough’ living my life as it was.
I was a mother of a very beautiful son, wife to a gorgeous husband, owner of a company I had created through my passions to help people, living overseas (a dream I’d always had)…
But I started to question:
Can I truely feel enough without my career?
Without the business I had created, born of my passions.
Without the title, without being seen as an authority figure, without needing to ‘be’ someone out there in the big wide world.
I started to wonder…
Had my career become my crutch?
Was it because of my career – and all I had achieved and shared – that I felt enough?
I felt burnt out by my passion-career.
This had never happened before, so I knew something was off-kilter.
Usually my career had given me energy, not taken it.
I needed a break.
I needed time to work out what egoic thinking patterns I’d unconsciously fallen into.
Tears were shed.
I shared my little breakdown with my husband, and the very next morning, my husband decided it was time for him to change career as a performing musician (currently unable to work due to the pandemic conditions in the UK) and re-skill in Software Development, so that he could take over the responsibility of earning the dosh.
Fast-forward 8 months, and we returned home to Australia from the UK, with my husband now working for a company building and designing websites.
He was the money-earner, and I was the ummmm…. mum on a gap year of sorts???
My husband’s kind words to me:
‘Take this year off. Hang out with Zen (our son) and enjoy some time doing what you need to do’.
You’d think I’d breathe a sigh of relief, right?
At first there was resistance.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to hand over all the money-making to my husband.
Since I was 12 I’d earned my own money and for me, that had meant freedom.
It had meant having what I wanted, without needing to justify what I spent.
Never-the-less, I started the year with two clients and still running my Tea with Tamra membership program.
It wasn’t much work.
Which was good, as we had a lot to organise after moving internationally again (our third international move in three years).
As I finished with those two clients, I realised I needed to dive heart deep into the nothingness.
I stopped ALL work!
People could still enrol in my courses and programs, but I didn’t need to do anything, when they did.
It was all automated.
Time to get to know me.
Even more deeply than I had in the past.
It was an odd time.
Zen would go to kindergarten – I had 15 hours a week to myself – to do as I pleased.
If you’re a mum, you know how BIG this is!!!
But I was questioning…
If I wasn’t being productive – in the way that society values us – then what was my purpose?
My income had meant I was taken seriously, that I had something to offer, something to show for myself, that I had the freedom to spend as I felt inclined.
Under my husband’s starting wage, we needed to live frugally, if I wasn’t to work.
But it was totally doable.
In fact, I began to really enjoy having less money coming in, as I started to realise how very cheaply we can live, and still eat organic, and still explore, and still do cool stuff!
This was all part of the spiritual journey.
Learning how, perhaps I didn’t need all the things I sometimes thought I did.
The question was:
Was I ok with simply being me?
Without needing to prove myself.
Without needing to be productive.
Without needing to be seen or recognised for my work.
Without having money to splash around.
It was a strange feeling, but as I dived into this time of simply getting to know me again – playing drums again, taking nature walks, doing yoga because I felt like that was nurturing on my body (as opposed to doing yoga for research for my latest program or to get yet another qualification), I started to feel the truth.
I am enough.
Even without my career.
Even without being productive.
Even without what society would label as being ‘well-off’.
I could lie on the couch all day and know I am still enough.
I could take pleasure in an afternoon bush-walk, and know I am still enough.
I could go buy that organic dark chocolate bar, and devour it with delight, and know I am still enough.
So if you’ve wondered why you’ve hardly heard from me this past year…
… it’s because I needed to take some time-out, and see if I could honestly own my enoughness, even without all the labels I’ve worn over the years.
Could I be enough just being me, without needing to justify it with a title or career or resume when I meet someone new?
I now know, the answer is Yes.
It’s been a strange time, trusting that my life wouldn’t fall apart.
But honestly, it’s only gotten better.
It’s allowed me the ability to see how my husband truely does love me for being me, not for anything I’ve done or can do.
(He’s never given me any reason to doubt this, by the way!)
That I can have friends who care about me, because they like me, not because of any labels I might wear.
It’s helped me release any need to get any result from anything I put my energy into, whether it be a new program or some personal project.
And it’s helped me value being in this world, for the simple sake of being here.
Here… right now.
I invite you now to sit with this idea for a moment…
Do you feel enough in your current life?
And now…. for the big question…
Could you feel enough minus all the labels you place upon yourself; your job, being a mother/father, your credentials, your resume, being a good cook, a volunteer…. etc.
If you took all that away, and you were just YOU, could you feel enough?
Enough just being YOU!
There is great power in exploring this.
For when we feel enough without needing any external validation or approval, then the world really is our oyster, and we can start to truely enjoy life, because we’re not being driven by this underlying need to be seen as ‘enough’.
Being enough means being able to look in the mirror and smile at the person looking back at you.
Being enough means being able to take time out to rest when you feel tired.
Being enough means being willing to indulge in simple (or luxurious) pleasures, without the guilt.
Being enough means making choices that are aligned with your wellbeing.
Being enough means not needing anything from life – promotions, approval, possessions – to feel full.
Being enough means that when you’re met with an outcome you don’t want, or a struggle or challenge, you don’t take it personally, as a reflection on you.
Being enough means owning your brilliance and feeling free to use it as you feel inspired.
Being enough means deciding to live your life YOUR way, without fear of rejection.
Being enough is a worthwhile way to live, for it shapes everything you do, how you feel and how your body moves through life.
Please know, you are worthy and deserving of being enough.
You are enough, right now.
You simply need to believe it.
If you’d like to learn more about how to shift beliefs, so you can feel ‘enough’ as you go about life, sign up for the free Self-Love Starter’s Kit, and enjoy the 1-hour audio on Self-Love, that will teach you more about the power of changing our beliefs to ones that support us in living a happy, prosperous, purpose-filled life.
And if you’d like to learn my method of clearing beliefs, like ‘I’m not enough’ check out my program Remarkable Relationships.