Genital numbness: Is your vagina asleep?

Tamra MerciecaSexual Health8 Comments

There are very few people today who are not experiencing some degree of genital numbness.

Now when I say ‘genital numbness’, if you can’t feel deep orgasmic pleasure from not much more than feather-soft strokes, then chances are you have genital numbness.

But before you get worried about having some terrible affliction, let me explain what genital numbness actually is.

Genital numbness is a result of trauma being stored in the vagina or penis.

If we begin with the ladies…

Perhaps you experienced rape, abortion, miscarriage, a painful labor or sexual experiences that were either emotionally or physically wounding.

Maybe you were told as a child that ‘Good girls keep their legs shut’ or ‘Keep your skirt down, don’t be a little hussy.’

However your trauma occurred, it was specific to YOU.

And that trauma gets woven into the vaginal tissue, making it numb.

We know this is such a huge issue due to the high number of women who need external stimulation of the clitoris in order to reach orgasm (if they’re orgasming at all) during intercourse.

Yet the vaginal canal is full of yummy pleasure spots.

You have the G-spot (1-3 inches up the front wall – just follow the natural curve) where you can experience the emotionally moving multiple orgasms.

And right at the end of the vaginal canal you have the cervix, when stimulated ever-so-softly, has the ability to open a women up to profound full body spiritual orgasms.

Unfortunately for most women these types of experiences remain elusive.


Because somewhere along they line they experienced some form of trauma that led to genital numbness.

Some type of wounding that has seen their vagina go to sleep in a bid not to re-live the trauma.

‘Better asleep than awake and hurting’.

And so women continue to have sex in a very aggressive manner.

The penis pounding away, further numbing the fragile tissue.

But isn’t that what sex is about, being penetrated… hard?

Women want to be penetrated.

Of course they do.

In fact they crave to be penetrated…. energetically.

Hard physical penetration is something we’ve been conditioned to want; what the mind is telling us we want.

Yet what body wants is soft conscious sex that energetically opens up our hearts and leaves us feeling soulfully penetrated.

So how do we wake up the vagina so we can feel pleasure again?

STOP the hard friction-based sex and start to connect more deeply with your body.

Breathe into each slow movement during sex and be present to the subtle sensations.

Your pace needs to be as slow as you are able to be fully aware of each feeling or emotion is brings up in you.

Less really is more when it comes to having a sentient vagina (and deeper more expanded orgasmic experiences). 

Gentle massage with a finger or a present penis will help bring life back to your sleeping beauty.

So will the Jade Egg practice, which is a highly nurturing ritual that draws the wounding out of the vaginal tissue and helps heal the genital trauma. 

Our society teaches us ‘harder faster’ in all areas of our life, yet it’s only when we stop, be still and reconnect with our inner selves that we can really feel the pleasure and love buried deep inside of us.

Of course women are not the only ones who experience genital numbness.

Men do too!

If a man was told ‘Put it away’ or ‘Don’t play with your penis’ this creates a fear and shame association which lodges itself deep into the penis, thus creating trauma.

Men use their penis, but very few actually feel their penis.

This is why as a couple you need to hold the space for each other.

If there is any tension or pain or numbness, hold your partner through their experience.

Use soft gentle massage to help dissolve the tension and allow the trauma to release.

Let your partner scream, let them cry, let them express whatever suppressed emotions have been laying dormant in their genitals.

It is only once this trauma is released, that we can start to really feel again, not just in sex, but in life.

If you’d like to learn specific exercises for releasing genital numbness, check out my 2-month only course Sexual Self.

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8 Comments on “Genital numbness: Is your vagina asleep?”

    1. Hi lovely and thanks so much for the question. I am not aware of any medications that help heal genital numbness. Through my work and my experience with clients, the only real way to heal genital numbness is through specific vaginal massage techniques and releasing the mental trauma one has taken on, which is now physically playing out in the body. If you are looking for a way to re-sensitise your genital area, the best tool I know of is the Jade Egg. I have created a whole website as a free resource for women on this topic, so they can learn how to use the Jade Egg as part of a regular practice to awaken and the vaginal canal and the body as a whole so that you can feel more. Please feel free to check out the website: I hope that helps 🙂

  1. Thank you so much for this. I have found zero explanations for this problem, and reading this makes me feel so much less alone. You have no idea the difference you have just made in my life. 💕

    1. I am so sorry to hear this Domi. Please know you are certainly not alone. Unfortunately, many women experience this. Are you enrolled in the Yoga for the Vagina online course? If not, I recommend taking a peek, as this practice has been specifically designed to help you clear the vaginal trauma that has caused the numbness, so you can experience deep pleasure in your body. It’s a beautiful, gentle practice you do in the safety of your own home. If you’d like to know more, simply go to You can sign up for the free Starter’s Sequence to get a taste of it 🙂

  2. I recently had sex with my girlfriend where I use penis numbing cream. This has developed serious pain and sore in her vagina for almost 6 weeks now. She sttill experiences pain when we have sex so she uses numb cream. I have advised her not to use till its totally healed she continues. She doesn’t have feelings at all during sex. she is still receiving medical attention. Pls advise me to pass on to her. I feel very bad im reigning someones life. pls help

    1. I am really sorry to hear about your experience. My advice would be to share this blog with your girlfriend, and let her read it for herself, so she can gain a greater understanding of vaginal numbness. Sometimes we need to hear information from a third party to be willing to take it on, as opposed to hearing it from our partner 🙂

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