Genital numbness: Is your vagina asleep?

Tamra MerciecaBlogs, Sexual Health20 Comments

There are very few people today who are not experiencing some degree of genital numbness.

Now when I say ‘genital numbness’, if you can’t feel deep orgasmic pleasure from not much more than feather-soft strokes, then chances are you have genital numbness.

But before you get worried about having some terrible affliction, let me explain what genital numbness actually is.

Genital numbness is a result of trauma being stored in the vagina or penis.

If we begin with the ladies…

Perhaps you experienced rape, abortion, miscarriage, a painful labor or sexual experiences that were either emotionally or physically wounding.

Maybe you were told as a child that ‘Good girls keep their legs shut’ or ‘Keep your skirt down, don’t be a little hussy.’

However your trauma occurred, it was specific to YOU.

And that trauma gets woven into the vaginal tissue, making it numb.

We know this is such a huge issue due to the high number of women who need external stimulation of the clitoris in order to reach orgasm (if they’re orgasming at all) during intercourse.

Yet the vaginal canal is full of yummy pleasure spots.

You have the G-spot (1-3 inches up the front wall – just follow the natural curve) where you can experience the emotionally moving multiple orgasms.

And right at the end of the vaginal canal you have the cervix, when stimulated ever-so-softly, has the ability to open a women up to profound full body spiritual orgasms.

Unfortunately for most women these types of experiences remain elusive.


Because somewhere along they line they experienced some form of trauma that led to genital numbness.

Some type of wounding that has seen their vagina go to sleep in a bid not to re-live the trauma.

‘Better asleep than awake and hurting’.

And so women continue to have sex in a very aggressive manner.

The penis pounding away, further numbing the fragile tissue.

But isn’t that what sex is about, being penetrated… hard?

Women want to be penetrated.

Of course they do.

In fact they crave to be penetrated…. energetically.

Hard physical penetration is something we’ve been conditioned to want; what the mind is telling us we want.

Yet what body wants is soft conscious sex that energetically opens up our hearts and leaves us feeling soulfully penetrated.

So how do we wake up the vagina so we can feel pleasure again?

STOP the hard friction-based sex and start to connect more deeply with your body.

Breathe into each slow movement during sex and be present to the subtle sensations.

Your pace needs to be as slow as you are able to be fully aware of each feeling or emotion is brings up in you.

Less really is more when it comes to having a sentient vagina (and deeper more expanded orgasmic experiences). 

Gentle massage with a finger or a present penis will help bring life back to your sleeping beauty.

So will the Jade Egg practice, which is a highly nurturing ritual that draws the wounding out of the vaginal tissue and helps heal the genital trauma. 

Our society teaches us ‘harder faster’ in all areas of our life, yet it’s only when we stop, be still and reconnect with our inner selves that we can really feel the pleasure and love buried deep inside of us.

Of course women are not the only ones who experience genital numbness.

Men do too!

If a man was told ‘Put it away’ or ‘Don’t play with your penis’ this creates a fear and shame association which lodges itself deep into the penis, thus creating trauma.

Men use their penis, but very few actually feel their penis.

This is why as a couple you need to hold the space for each other.

If there is any tension or pain or numbness, hold your partner through their experience.

Use soft gentle massage to help dissolve the tension and allow the trauma to release.

Let your partner scream, let them cry, let them express whatever suppressed emotions have been laying dormant in their genitals.

It is only once this trauma is released, that we can start to really feel again, not just in sex, but in life.

If you’d like to learn specific exercises for releasing genital numbness, check out my 2-month only course Sexual Self.

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20 Comments on “Genital numbness: Is your vagina asleep?”

    1. Hi lovely and thanks so much for the question. I am not aware of any medications that help heal genital numbness. Through my work and my experience with clients, the only real way to heal genital numbness is through specific vaginal massage techniques and releasing the mental trauma one has taken on, which is now physically playing out in the body. If you are looking for a way to re-sensitise your genital area, the best tool I know of is the Jade Egg. I have created a whole website as a free resource for women on this topic, so they can learn how to use the Jade Egg as part of a regular practice to awaken and the vaginal canal and the body as a whole so that you can feel more. Please feel free to check out the website: I hope that helps 🙂

  1. Thank you so much for this. I have found zero explanations for this problem, and reading this makes me feel so much less alone. You have no idea the difference you have just made in my life. 💕

    1. I am so sorry to hear this Domi. Please know you are certainly not alone. Unfortunately, many women experience this. Are you enrolled in the Yoga for the Vagina online course? If not, I recommend taking a peek, as this practice has been specifically designed to help you clear the vaginal trauma that has caused the numbness, so you can experience deep pleasure in your body. It’s a beautiful, gentle practice you do in the safety of your own home. If you’d like to know more, simply go to You can sign up for the free Starter’s Sequence to get a taste of it 🙂

  2. I recently had sex with my girlfriend where I use penis numbing cream. This has developed serious pain and sore in her vagina for almost 6 weeks now. She sttill experiences pain when we have sex so she uses numb cream. I have advised her not to use till its totally healed she continues. She doesn’t have feelings at all during sex. she is still receiving medical attention. Pls advise me to pass on to her. I feel very bad im reigning someones life. pls help

    1. I am really sorry to hear about your experience. My advice would be to share this blog with your girlfriend, and let her read it for herself, so she can gain a greater understanding of vaginal numbness. Sometimes we need to hear information from a third party to be willing to take it on, as opposed to hearing it from our partner 🙂

  3. Hello Tamara,
    Thanks so much for this post, Gave me some hope.
    I’ve had Vagina numbness for nearly 4 yrs. I’ve just turned 30, I don’t feel anything at all and I don’t have any sexual desire.. Along with this, I also feel quite emotionally numb, extremely hard to cry or feel excitement. I have had a lot of counselling in the past but my emotions/feelings never returned.
    I am wondering, Could the Jade egg actually help sensitise me again? It just seems to good to be true, I’m scared I haven’t “felt” for so long and my brain can’t remember how to feel.
    Any advise I would be grateful. Many thanks 🙏😌

    1. Thanks for getting in touch Rox. In answer to your question: Yes, absolutely the Jade Egg can help re-sensitise the not only the vaginal canal but the whole pelvis. But I recommend doing my Yoga for the Vagina course to learn how to use it, as simply popping it in and walking around with it, can actually cause more de-sensitisation. You need to practice ‘being’ with the egg and working with it in a really present way that allows you to connect with all the muscles and ligaments and tissues of the pelvis. And that is the central focus of Yoga for the Vagina. So, yes just popping in a Jade Egg and hoping it will work its magic is too good to be true. But learning how to work with the Jade Egg, as I teach, will completely open you up to a new, more pleasure-filled experience of your body. You’ll also find as I guide you through the practises you will start to get more connected to your emotions as well, as Yoga for the Vagina is a very healing practice, that helps you heal on all levels, not just the physical. I hope that helps xx

  4. I just had sex for the first time about 2 weeks ago but I still can’t really feel much pleasure from it. We’re had sex about 5 times since trying different positions, slowing down, or speeding up, just trying to figure out why I can’t feel much pleasure from penetration and what I do feel is very distant including the orgasms I’ve had. I still have quite a large libido, I still desire my partner, but I just can’t feel anything. I’m not aware of any trauma that could affect me like this. My parents have always practiced the abstinence method but have always been very open about the subject and I have actually been encouraged to practice and enjoy it by my Mother (which is very strange!). I just don’t see what could necessarily cause my numbness and would love some help. I can’t easily get the jade egg, I can’t pay for exercise videos, and I can’t spend a really long time with my partner exploring and massaging as we are both very busy people.

    1. Thanks for sharing Eliana. The first thing I would say is that it is completely normal to not feel much pleasure the first time you have sex (or the many times after). The tissue inside the vagina probably hasn’t had much loving touch before, so it will most likely be quite numb. It may not be due to trauma, as much as it is from non-use. My recommendation would be to massage inside the vaginal canal with one or two fingers for at least 5-10 minutes each day – you can do this yourself or your partner can do it for you – while consciously breathing into your vagina. If you do this, you’ll probably start to notice a little sensation within a few weeks of daily massage, and the more you do it, the more that sensation will grow. What I will say though, is that massage needs to be gentle in order to wake up the vaginal tissue. Hard and fast friction sex only desensitises the vagina. I know you mentioned that you are busy, but the truth is, if you want to experience deep pleasure then you need to invest time in exploring and awakening your body. It’s like anything in life, in order to get results, you need to commit to that thing. If you find yourself in a position to enrol in one of my programs in the future, the Yoga for the Vagina online series will certainly bring a lot of sensation to your vagina. I hope that helps 🙂

  5. Thank you for this article! I have basically no feeling in my genitals other than the clit and it has been that way for as long as I can remember. I was molested for nearly a year when I was 6 so I am assuming that is the source of the trauma. I am now 32 and have spent a lot of time as an adult working on healing emotionally but my vagina is just as numb as ever. In fact, I had no idea that having so little sensation wasn’t normal until just a few years ago. It answered so many questions for me like why my husband seemed to get frustrated that he could try so many things and it bring so little pleasure. I eventually just started faking sensation because I felt like I was such a problem. My husband has tried to be supportive since I came to him with the information about storing past trauma and it causing numbness but I’m not sure how to instruct him on what he can do to help me through this healing process. I can tell him to be slow and gentle in massaging the area but he is so confused by the process that he has endless questions which end up causing me to not be relaxed. How can we get past this to where I can heal my vagina and finally experience the sensation I was meant to have before it was robbed from me?

    1. Sarah, so glad this article has helped you understand your body and what you’ve been experiencing. First of all, please know that most women experience genital numbness, it’s just that most of them don’t speak about it, because they simply weren’t aware of what it was or what is available to them. So you are certainly not alone. Ok, so in terms of healing, yes, gently massage is super helpful. That said, I would recommend doing some healing work on your own as well, so that you can start to develop that inner trust and not be reliant on your husband to hold the space for you. Do you know about my Yoga for the Vagina online program? If not, go here and you can sign up for the free starter’s sequence. This is designed to help gently, and lovingly dissolve trauma and re-sensitise your vaginal canal. If you can practise at least 2-3 times per week, you will start to feel the changes very quickly. I would start there, and if you feel drawn to dive into the full online course, it will take you far deeper into the teachings so you can enjoy the full ripeness of your body 🙂 I hope that helps xx

  6. So I experienced trauma back 5 years ago and here lately in the past 7 months or so I have had ONLY my left side of my vaginal area go numb, during just day to day activities. I think it’s related but I’m not sure what’s going on….. sometimes I get sharp pains followed by numbness and tingling others it just goes completely numb. Should I see a dr or…

    1. Thanks for sharing Annabelle. Yes I would suggest talking to a doctor. If the numbness is only in your vagina, then chances are it is trauma related and that can be healed through either my Yoga for the Vagina program or one-on-one therapy. But if the numbness is happening in more areas of the body, then you certainly want to make sure that there’s nothing else going on there. I hope that helps xx

  7. Hey, I just lost my virginity at the age of 21.Felt Like I was rushed into it, didnt enjoy it at all and it was hurting so badly.Wasn’t fully aroused at all.I couldn’t feel a thing and I still don’t.I’ve become overwhelmed with emotions and trying to fix the problem but each method I’ve tried doesn’t work.I’m Almost at a point where I just don’t want any sexual activity because there is no enjoyment out of it.I really hope the Jade egg helps because I’m all out of options.

    1. Hi Tori. I’m so very sorry this was your experience. It’s very common for first time sex to feel rushed – in fact for many sexual experiences to feel rushed – because of the miseducation around sexual pleasure. Yes, the Jade Egg is a really gentle practice – when used with love and care and understanding of how to use it – and it will most certainly help you heal and awaken your vaginal tissues to pleasure. I would recommend the Yoga for the Vagina program I run, as this will guide you through how to use it in a way that is both safe, and will feel pleasurable for you. I hope that helps you on your journey. Big love xx

  8. I am 17 years old and literally feel no pleasure or sensation during any type of sexual activity either alone or with a partner. my whole life i never really masturbated in the traditional ways. From a very young age like 3-4 i used to sit on my heel and kinda move around and that always felt good so that’s basically what i did forever never trying anything else. but for me i never saw it as a form of pleasure i did it whenever i felt anxious and i never really focused on the pleasure more just whatever was bothering me. i have had no trauma that i can recall so i’m wondering if doing that my whole life has desensitized my brain and vagina to any other forms of stimulation. in middle school i heard abt girls putting things up there and all that so i tried it and i’ve always had partners touch me down there and every single time it has felt like nothing. oral especially feels like nothing.i do not feel aroused, i don’t feel any sensations it’s literally boring. when i first starting having sex it was completely numb. i barely knew he was in there. this has caused a lot of mental health issues for me as i have been dealing with it for about a year and nothing has changed. i feel like less of a women and not good enough bc i’m missing out on something so amazing. i would still have sex all the time hoping things would change but instead it only started to hurt. i eventually went to the doctor and she did diagnose me with pelvic muscle spasms. i am currently in physical therapy for them to help relax but i just cannot wrap my brain around why this would happen. i believe the spasms are from continuing to have sex that wasn’t enjoyable but i just don’t understand why my entire life any touching of my clit or anything just does not arouse me and i don’t feel any sensations. i have tried to set aside alone time to connect with my body and find what feels good. i clear my mind and focus on just my body but every time it still feels like nothing for me and barely any sensation. my doctor just tells me to give it time but i have and it’s still the same. i’m not sure what to do and this has really put me in a depressive state. i feel worthless and all i want is to be normal and enjoy pleasure😞

    1. Hi Claire. Thank you for feeling safe enough to share your experience with me here. First thing I want you to know, is that – as you would have read in the blog – not feeling anything is VERY common. And the main reason for this, is because most women have been unconsciously taught to disconnect from their bodies, and have never been educated on how to work with their tissues to awaken them into a pleasure state. So you are certainly not alone in your experience. In order to wake up your tissues so you can start to feel, you need gentle, trusting touch. And in most cases, sexual intercourse – unless carried out in a super loving and gentle way – does not do this, but in fact can cause further desensitisation.

      I’m not sure if you’re familiar with my programs, but the two that I recommend to help you, would be Yoga for the Vagina ( and Sexual Self ( Yoga for the Vagina I feel, would be a good starting place, as it will help you learn how to relax your muscles naturally, while at the same time awakening the tissues so you can start to feel. It’s a really gentle practice, that help you connect to your body and pelvis in a new way, so you can deeply understand yourself and your pleasure. Plus, all the woman who practise this regularly report to me, how doing the practice raises their self-esteem and how they feel about themselves.

      So that really feels like a good starting place, if you’re wanting my guidance here. You can try the practice for free by signing up for the free Starter’s Sequence, or dive into the full program for $449. I hope that helps. But please know above anything else, that you are worthy. You are worthy of enjoying pleasure, and with the right help, that can absolutely be your reality. Much love on this journey home, Tamra xx

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