If there’s one thing that gets in the way of people actively engaging in self-love, it’s time. Or a lack there of.
It’s very common for people to use ‘not having enough time’ as a reason to NOT do the things they want or need, to live happy and fulfilling lives. We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle, essentially mimicking a hamster on a never ending wheel of to-do lists…
What’s the first thing people neglect? Themselves. The very self-care that’s essential to one’s survival. Yes, self-love isn’t just some luxury, self-love is necessary to living well.
Today on I Love Me The Podcast – our final episode for the year – we explore how to overcome this issue of not having enough time for self-love. That way you can put YOU and YOUR needs centre stage as you head into 2025.
And with all the busy hype of the holiday and festive season upon us, I thought it was important we talk about ‘time’.
Because if there’s one phrase I hear a lot from people, it’s:
‘I don’t have time to meditate or do yoga or give myself the love and care I need.’
‘I don’t have time to eat well, or get more sleep’.
‘I don’t have time for self-love!’
Especially, at this time of year amid all the Christmas parties and work gatherings and children’s end of year concerts and getting ready to celebrate the festive season, if that’s something you do.
There’s a lot on.
Yet, in my experience, when there’s a lot on, I need my self-loving practices even more.
Because it’s those little practices that help me reconnect with my centre, that help me navigate the day with the least amount of hiccups.
Because they help keep me calmer and more at ease, so I can be more productive and have more clarity around what needs to happen.
That’s why when life gets busy, I turn UP my self-loving practices, to support me through that busier period.
But… I understand this may not make a lot of sense if you’re currently stuck in the busy busy of life.
You’re possibly thinking…
’If I add in more self-love practices, that will only ADD to the list of things I need to do!’
And on the surface, yes, that’s how it can seem.
So let’s begin by exploring our culture’s obsession with being ‘busy’.
The whole ‘doing doing doing mentality…’
We live in a world that values being ‘busy’.
People will ask:
‘Keeping busy?’ as if that’s something to be applauded.
It’s ingrained in our culture to fill every tiny moment of our existence with something.
And it leads us to think ‘If I’m not busy – if I’m not doing something – then I mustn’t be very successful.’
So we make ourselves busy, and busier still.
Once we up-level to the next tier of busy, we see if we can squeeze in a little more… and then a little more…
We start to think ‘Yeah, I’m getting so much done, I can take on a little extra…
And so we do…
At the expense of our mental wellbeing.
You see, being busy comes with one very common side-effect; stress.
Time is one of the biggest stressors in people’s lives (that, and money – we’ll talk more about money in the new year).
So we experience stress, as a result of being too busy – packing our lives tight to the brim with ‘stuff’…
And we justify all this stuff we squeeze into our lives, by thinking they’re essential to our happiness or success in some way.
Problem is, the only real thing that’s essential to our happiness and success, is a connection to self.
When we take time to sit with ourself, engage in meditation or yoga or journalling or self-massage – or whatever self-love activity resonates for you – when we do this, we tap into that inner source of love.
And that fills us up, so we don’t need all the ‘busy’ to feel a certain way.
Suddenly, we realise, that some of the things we’ve been packing into our lives are not actually serving us in the way we thought they were.
In fact, they may be keeping us from the things we value.
Quality time with our partner, time with our kids, time to be with ourself, so we can feel more aligned with who we are and what we’re here for.
Many people spend countless hours absently scrolling on social media or performing tasks that don’t serve them or their highest purpose.
Yet they tell themselves they don’t have time for a self love practice.
It’s the ‘busy’ – and the constant ‘doing’ – that clouds our view of what’s important.
And so we get busy, and maybe we overdo it to the point that we have a little, or a BIG breakdown, and our doctor tells us we need to off-load some stress, and maybe even suggests taking up a meditation practice, sleeping more…
But meditating takes ‘time’.
If I sleep for longer, I’ll have less time.
Time we think we don’t have, because we’re so busy doing everything else.
‘I don’t have time to meditate’ you might say to your therapist, your doctor, your friends, yourself.
People will argue quite strongly that they don’t have time, presenting a solid case for why there’s no time for meditation, or engaging in the self-loving activities that will help them feel more at ease, and restore their mental and physical health.
For stress is one of the biggest causes of mental and physical illness, and in order to reverse those illnesses we need to reduce stress.
In order to reduce stress, to allow our bodies to move into healing, we need to do less.
Yet, most people, when faced with a diagnosis, think ‘Oh now I need to do more’.
I need to have these vitamins, and I need to do this specific exercise… all to counter the stress, so I can get well.
And as a result, they keep getting busier, getting more stressed.
‘I don’t have time’ really has become society’s new catch-phrase.
The more we repeat it, the more it sinks into our subconscious, so it appears that ‘not having enough time’ is a fact, rather than a belief we’ve adopted.
But… can I let you in on a little secret?
As much as people may think that ‘time’ is the problem, this is rarely the case.
In fact, in my experience, ‘time’ is never the problem.
The truth is, there is an underlying issue.
And that underlying issue is that, on a deeper level:
You don’t value yourself.
You don’t value yourself, and so you don’t value taking time to be with yourself.
To give yourself the things you need to stay nourished.
For meditation is an invitation to sit with yourself, get to know yourself, and as a result, heal yourself.
Meditating could be likened to ‘dating’ oneself, like I share in Episode 12: How dating myself led to my Prince.
But if you don’t value yourself, then you’re not going to want to spend time with yourself.
And in meditation, that’s what we’re doing.
We’re spending time with ourself!
And I’m using meditation as an example here… there are many different self-loving activities we can do to help us connect into our self, and in doing so, create more time.
Time for the things that truely matter to us.
So if you find yourself saying to yourself – in your mind or out loud – ‘I don’t have time to meditate,’ stop and pause.
Ask yourself:
Is this really the case?
Or is this simply a cover or an excuse to avoid giving myself the love and care I most need right now?
If you’ve been subconsciously programmed to believe that you don’t deserve to experience the peace and love within, then you’ll always keep yourself too busy to engage in self-loving activities.
Too busy to experience the love and peace within.
You might say, well after my exams I’ll have time, or once I finish this project at work I’ll have time, or once my kids go to school I’ll have time.
But it doesn’t work that way.
If you have underlying beliefs, such as ‘I don’t value myself’ or ‘I’m not worthy’, then once that thing that’s keeping you busy finishes, something else will pop up that requires your attention; that keeps you too busy for self-love.
So in that respect it’s like you’re a caged hamster on a wheel.
The busyness, the suffering, the stress; it never ends.
That is, until you decide to get off the wheel and change what you’re doing.
In order to get a different result, you need to do something different.
You need to make time for self-love.
To make time for yourself.
And that needn’t be some HUGE daily commitment.
You don’t need to spend an hour a day in meditation to reap the benefits.
Start with 5 minutes.
Start with 2, like I suggested last week.
Just start somewhere.
If you want a little practice that helps you connect to the love within – so you can experience a more easeful day – listen to Episode 3 where I share the Love Wrap exercise with you.
This is the perfect self-love practice to start with.
One I still do daily as it’s so helpful, and easy to sneak in when life gets busy.
Then once that practice becomes a part of your day – once it feels manageable – then you might want to go a little deeper.
I share a 20-minute extended version of the Love Wrap in my Way of Self-Love program, which builds upon this smaller practice, so you can develop a more solid connection with yourself.
Because as I’ve said throughout these episodes…
Self-love is a journey.
We start where we can.
With what feels doable at that time.
And then we build from there.
As we build our self-love muscle, the challenges in life start to get easier to navigate.
And so we SAVE time because we have a clearer idea of what we need to do when the proverbial poo hits the fan.
In this way, our practices in self-love teach us how to move through our day in a more easeful way, so we don’t get to the evening and fall in a heap because we’re so exhausted.
Or fall sick because our body is so run down from all the ‘doing’.
Living a more easeful life IS possible.
But we need to be willing to realise, that making time for self-love is an essential part of that.
We meditate, we do yoga, we do the Love Wrap, we journal, we take a walk in nature – barefoot – we sit with ourself while we mindfully drink a cup of herbal tea… we do whatever self-loving thing that calls to us…
There are no rules…
Let your heart guide you to the type of self-love that feels good for you.
And then you get to experience a more easeful AND more productive life.
Simple as that!
As long, as the self-love comes first.
And yes, we ARE more productive when we put self-love first.
So if the ability to be more productive is the carrot that entices you into self-love, then by all means let that get you started.
Just look at some of the most successful people like Oprah; they get a lot done.
How do they do it?
They make time for meditation.
They make time to connect with themselves.
Why?
Because they know practices like meditation help them be super productive and super effective.
Actor Hugh Jackman has this great way of explaining how meditation works for him.
He likens meditation to a glass of water, saying…
‘When you first pour it, it’s cloudy. When you’re stressed, that’s what your mind is like. It’s kinda cloudy. After you meditate all that sinks to the bottom and the water is clear. And the energy is finer. And the decisions you make are more authentic. And I think you’re more economical with your energy, with time, in everything. And you’re more able to listen to people.’
Yes, meditation helps you become better at managing your time.
You quite literally get more time, from taking time to meditate.
How is this even possible?
As Jerry Seinfeld says:
‘You have a cell phone. Meditation is like someone giving you the charger.’
Meditation is quite literally like putting yourself on charge!
Remember how I explained that being busy creates stress?
Well, stress stops us from being on top of our game.
When we’re stressed, our mind loses its razor-sharp clarity, our creativity is impaired and we experience fatigue…
As a result, we make mistakes, projects take longer to complete, and we end up working a whole lot longer and harder than we need to.
Pause
Put simply:
If you’re stressed or fatigued then you’re not operating at your optimum.
The body needs to be recharged so it works at its best.
Once our energy begins to run low, our productivity diminishes, we become a little cranky and often feel more uptight.
Not the ideal environment for getting things done efficiently.
Or dealing with our kids or our partner.
Yet when we meditate daily, we have full charge – full bars – on the mobile phone that is our body.
So tasks that may normally take 2 hours, only take one, or less.
We get more done in less time.
The truth of the matter is, practices like meditation give us more time by making our mind calmer and more focused.
They plug us in to our creative and productive energies.
They put us in a flow state, where everything is easy and quick and really high quality.
These practices give us perspective!
And therefore we’re less likely to make a mistake or waste time.
We get things done faster with greater precision and so we end up having more time.
Studies have shown that most people spend 20% of their time doing the things that actually get results, and 80% of the time doing things they ‘think’ will get results, but don’t ever get up off the ground.
This is why after I had my son, I was able to work for just 3 hours a day for 3 years, and financially support my family in not only living, but moving to the other side of the world, and continuing to have a joyful life.
And that 3 hours a day included my personal yoga and meditation practice!
So let’s do the math!
You take 20-minute a day to do a self-loving activity like meditate, and you get triple that (or more) because you’re now operating in a more easeful, productive manner.
Self-love really is the best time management skill we can have!
Let’s recap…
Time is NOT the issue.
You’ll make time for the things you value.
In order to value self-love practices, you need to value yourself.
The irony is, valuing yourself usually comes from making time for self-love!
That’s why you need to consciously start with self-love.
Commit to doing something self-loving EVERY day.
Consciously shift your focus, change your priorities, and start to make time for the things that make you feel good, as opposed to the things that drain you.
You need to be willing to try something radically different to what you know.
And that requires going against your subconscious programming – your habitual patterns – so you can experience the love within.
Because hey, when you meditate the way I teach you to meditate, that is the whole purpose of your meditation; to experience the love within.
To be love.
We ALL have the same 24 hours in a day.
Therefore, it’s really not about how much time we have, but what we spend that time doing, that gets us the results – and ultimately the life – that we want.
Once you start a self-love practice, while you may experience some egoic resistance, if you stick with it, you will start to reap the benefits.
Your body will start communicating to you through subtle but powerful whispers, guiding you on how to eradicate the time-wasting activities that only serve to drain and disconnect you.
In response to this, you’ll find yourself with more time, more energy and more clarity.
So while this time of year may feel too overwhelming to add in a little more self-love, I invite you to give it a go anyway.
Like I said, start with the short Love Wrap exercise in Episode 3.
Learn how to fill yourself up with love.
And if that feels good for you, then I invite you to join The Way of Self-Love course.
This course does more than teach you meditation skills…
You’ll learn how to tap into your inner genius so you have creativity and inner guidance on tap.
And to help you overcome the ‘I don’t have time to meditate’ problem, I include a comprehensive audio lesson – with specific exercises – to help you unravel the ‘I don’t have time’ issue, so you can easily sneak meditation into your life.
All the info is on my website gettingaked.com.au.
Have a beautiful end to your year, and I look forward to returning mid-February with a brand new season of I Love Me the Podcast.
One Comment on “Ep.42 There’s not enough time, or is there?”
Hi Tamra,
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
I am so appreciative and grateful for all of your podcasts. I truly enjoy listening to your voice and perspectives on such a variety of helpful topics.
Thank you for blessing me with your life’s experiences, stories, and lessons. They help me to continue to stretch my thoughts and choices.
Looking forward to your next year’s podcast.
Much Peace, Brightness and Joy to you Tamra!
Caringly, Cindy Nichols