The emotion of anger often receives a bad rap, especially when it’s expressed outwardly in a very fiery, and often explosive kinda way. But what if we could use anger to support our growth? What if anger had a very clear purpose, and when understood, could be expressed in a really ‘healthy’ way? A way that helps us deepen our love for ourself?

In today’s episode on I Love Me The Podcast, we uncover the true ‘gift’ of anger.

 

Let’s be honest, human emotions can feel BIG.

So big they can really knock us around, and cause us to lash out at people in some unsavory kind of ways.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this at many points in your life, both on the receiving end of someone else’s emotional outpouring or being the instigator of such a colourful display.

Whether it’s something meaningless or something catastrophic that happens in our life, the resulting emotions have the power to completely unhinge us.

But… they don’t have too.

In fact, we can learn how to use our emotions to support us.

And today, I’d like to explore the emotion of anger with you.

Because unfortunately, most people view anger as negative.

A feeling we should suppress, and certainly not express.

Or not in the sight of the people we know.

Yet, there is nothing inherently wrong with anger.

If anger arises within us, we haven’t slipped up on our spiritual path.

We’re not bad people, if we feel angry sometimes.

The only reason anger becomes harmful, is if it’s expressed in an unhealthy way.

When it’s expressed by way of aggression, hostile reactivity, shaming or blaming someone.

If we use anger to get even, to score points, to over-power someone or to make someone wrong…

How often does anger fuel a ‘venting’ session, or unloading of our issues onto an innocent friend…

Negative or abusive language or physical violence…

These are all examples of letting the anger go wild – letting it get out of control – without taking the time to understand why the anger showed up in the fist place.

What I’m saying is:

Our response to the anger is what can make it a problem.

NOT the anger itself.

We are allowed to feel angry.

Because we are human.

And part of having a human experience, is having emotions.

And while certain emotions may throw us for a six, these emotions are here to guide us through life.

Yes, our human emotions have a purpose.

They let us know when we need to do something different.

What I’m saying, is that when we’re willing to feel our emotions, they become catalysts for change.

So why is anger such a valuable tool for growth, and deepening our love for ourself?

Because anger serves a very important function.

Anger lets us know that we’re feeling powerless.

Consider that for a moment…

Anger lets us know that we’re feeling powerless.

Maybe you’ve allowed your boundaries to be overstepped, maybe you’re letting a situation play out that isn’t in your best interests, maybe someone is bossing your around, or maybe you’re not acting in a way that’s helpful for all involved.

You feel powerless, and so anger kicks in.

Which is helpful, right?

Because if we didn’t have this internal warning system letting us know something was up, then we might get totally walked all over or taken advantage of.

In this way, the anger is alerting us to the fact that we’re not being treated in a loving way.

So in that respect, anger isn’t bad in itself, it’s what we do with that anger, that has the potential to make it problematic.

If for example, you react to the anger by blaming others or arguing, this isn’t serving anyone.

It’s just causing a scene and crumpling any rapport you previously had with those people.

And as a result creates more mess, more heart-ache, and more inaction.

Instead of pointing the finger, or firing all your anger-fuelled words at someone – essentially indulging in the anger – what if you turned your anger into action?

Positive action.

Like I said, anger is the bi-product of feeling powerless.

Staying angry doesn’t make you feel powerFULL, it just breeds more anger.

The antidote to anger, is finding a way to feel powerFUL in the situation that triggered the anger.

Perhaps that involves speaking up, or removing yourself from a negative situation, or changing jobs, or relationships.

Anger offers us insight into what behaviours or issues need to be addressed that are getting in the way of our overall wellbeing.

Maybe your partner has been triggering you into anger, because you feel they behave in a way that makes you feel small.

But in realising this, and then raising this with them in a loving, compassionate way, you’re able to not only resuscitate your relationship, but deepen your intimacy.

It’s very easy to think that you can’t do anything about the situation at hand, but there is ALWAYS something you can do.

But… you won’t see the solution – or the way you can create change – if you’re stuck in the emotion.

If you’re engorged inside the intensity of your anger, it can feel almost impossible to maintain any sense of sanity.

And that’s because:

When emotion increases, intelligence decreases.

This is one of the vital teachings my first coach Matt Catling taught me.

And something that’s really important to know.

When we get caught up in emotion, we’re not thinking clearly.

As we become engulfed by the emotion, we start to believe we are the emotion.

The emotion overrides any rational thinking, and clouds out the intuitive guidance from our heart or True Self.

The thing to understand is that while we are here to experience our human emotions, we are NOT our emotions.

They cannot harm us.

The only harm that can come from emotions, is how we react to them.

What we decide to do with them.

Anger is moral fire.

It’s up to us whether it’s destructive or constructive.

Our human emotions are here to serve us.

To communicate important information to us, so we can make the necessary change or take certain actions for the greater good of all.

So while anger can harm, it can also shine light on what needs to be seen.

And that all starts by treating this all-important emotion as an alley.

Cultivating a relationship with anger.

Accepting that it will be part of your life and that’s a good thing.

We’re not here to outgrow or spiritually rise above our anger, we’re here to embrace it.

And learn how to use it for good.

So….

How do you listen to your emotions?

How do you listen to the anger?

Instead of shoving it down, denying how you’re feeling or taking it out on another person or group – which I know may feel very tempting at time…

Sit with the anger.

Bear witness to it.

Accept that you feel angry, without judging the experience.

It’s all ok.

Just be with that feeling.

Whatever you do, don’t get angry at the anger.

That’s like throwing fuel on the flames.

Anger is not aggression.

Aggression is an unhealthy way of expressing anger.

Anger itself is clean.

So drop all judgement of the anger, and simply open yourself up to listening to it.

Understanding it.

When you give yourself full permission to feel the emotion that’s arisen within you, you give voice to it.

You give it the time and space to communicate to you.

Then all you need to do, is listen.

Listen to the emotion as you would a wise friend.

Or…. imagine you’re an investigator.

Getting to know the emotion that’s bubbled up within.

Asking it questions such as:

Why have you shown up today?

Where am I feeling powerless?

And most importantly…

What can I do right now to feel empowered? To fell powerFULL!??!

If you’re open to sitting with the emotion, you’ll be shown ways on how you can use that energy for good.

How you can take action or make changes that will serve you, and all involved.

For emotion is simply:

Energy in motion.

It wants to do something.

It wants to be directed into a positive action.

The more we practise sitting with our emotions, the more we can use our emotions to facilitate change.

And I know it can feel uncomfortable to begin with, especially if you’ve never sat with your emotions before.

When we fear our emotions, we run from them.

We shove them down, refusing to feel them.

Refusing to listen to them.

We fill our life with distractions such as alcohol, television, being busy…

All so we don’t have to be with our emotions.

And we use these distractions as coping mechanisms to essentially numb us, so we don’t have to feel.

The problem is, what we shove down, becomes stuck energy in the body.

Like I said:

Emotion is energy in motion.

If the emotion isn’t felt in the present moment, it can’t move on out, and so it creates tension and stagnation in the body, which leads to cellular degeneration.

I know with my clients, when we clear stuck emotion from the body – which is one of the techniques I use in my One-on-One Intensive – if that person is experiencing a chronic illness or disease, often clearing that emotion, is enough to shift the body into a state of healing.

And this is because when we don’t feel our emotions, they get stuck in the body.

Just think of a beach ball that’s pushed under the water.

Eventually it’s gotta come up..

And the further down it’s pushed, the bigger the splash when it breaks through the surface.

It’s the same with our emotions.

And the way our emotions resurface is either through bodily deterioration, illness, disease OR through taking our past emotions out on the people around us.

Because when we get angry at our partner or our kids, more often than not, it’s an accumulation of the anger we’ve collected over our years.

Anger that we’ve unconsciously chosen to suppress.

We’re not just getting angry at the event at hand…

Sure that’s what triggered the anger this time…

But the actual anger that comes out, it’s the whole storehouse of anger we’ve been hiding inside.

Like an animal kept too long in a cage, it goes wild once released!

That’s why if we haven’t felt our anger before, if we’ve had a habit of suppressing it, then the fiery outbursts usually get bigger as the years go on.

Or our bodily issues become bigger.

To avoid experiencing our emotions is to deny our humanness.

Emotions come as part of the human package.

Avoiding our emotions creates suffering.

For what we resist, persists.

In order for us to heal, we must feel.

So this week I invite you to explore your emotions.

If anger arises, sit with it.

Listen to it.

And realise where you’re giving your power away, and how you might take your power back…

Once you become acutely aware of why the emotion showed up in the first place…

Then the anger will lift.

Just like a child whose pulling on your trousers, the anger simply wants to be heard.

Give it some attention, and it’ll stop tugging.

Once you’re willing to hear the anger, its job is done, and it will leave.

And you’ll be left knowing what you need to do, to enact the change the emotion was trying to instigate.

On the flipside, if you’ve been someone whose been taught – conditioned – to hide your anger, in a bid to be seen as the good girl or more spiritual, now is the time to get to know this valuable emotion.

Maybe anger has been felt by you as a type of annoyance or frustration.

These are all manifestations of anger.

And you no longer need to keep them locked up in the pandora’s box that is your beautiful body.

Be brave.

Invite anger to tea with you.

Respect it.

Sit with it, and listen to it.

Embrace it with open arms, knowing that…

Anger wants to support you.

It wants to help you love yourself more.

So you can show up fully for yourself and the people around you.

And the way it does this, is by showing you where you’re feeling powerless, so you can action a change or make a decision that will help you feel more powerful!

Anger, when understood in this way, really is a signpost on your path to self-love.

So make wise use of anger, accept it as a powerful offering, and just see what happens.

Now…

If there’s one place that we’re likely to have our anger buttons pressed, it’s in relationship.

Often, intimate relationship.

That’s why next week, I’Il share, what I believe, is one of my most valuable teachings on relationships.

And how we can use relationships to reflect back to us the things we need to release, in order to grow our self-love.

Can’t wait to share that with you next week.