Step 3: Remove the gunk stopping you attracting in your ideal partner

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When you look in the mirror what do you see? Is it a beautiful/handsome soul in a beautiful/handsome body, or is it something less?

If you question your own worth or serve yourself a cocktail of put downs and criticisms about your appearance or your personality, then it’s time to take a closer look at what’s going on inside.

Ultimately, it’s this gunk that’s stopping you having a remarkable relationship.


This gunk comes in many forms. For some people it’s worrying about what other’s think of them, always comparing themselves to the next person. For others it’s past hurts and emotional baggage from previous relationships that need to be cleared out. Then you have your run-of-the-mill insecurities that leave people feeling small and unable to get out of the rut they’ve found themself in. No matter what kind of gunk you have, it leaves you with an icky taste in your mouth.

So what creates this inability to see ourselves in the most flattering light? The answer is simple. A myriad of limiting beliefs we take on as a child. Maybe someone close to you said you were ‘ugly’, or you would ‘never account to anything’. Too young to ignore such negative abuse, you took on those comments as fact. You believed all those nasty statements, no questions asked.

Before you knew it, you’d become your own worst critic. The insults and beat-up many of us tell ourselves on a daily basis, are worse than any external bullying someone else could inflict upon us. No one else will ever cut you down the way you will chastise yourself. Left to fester, this unhealthy self-talk manifests in many ways…

Some people start eating obsessively as they unconsciously work towards proving their limiting belief to be true, that they are indeed ‘fat and ugly’. Others might starve themselves or purge their food, never believing they are skinny enough to be considered as good looking. Or maybe you are one of those people who just don’t bother about your appearance, thinking ‘what’s the point?’

Treating your body as anything less than a temple is the first sign of some serious internal beat-up. Just think, if you loved yourself completely, you would never put a toxic substance in your body. It is your vehicle after all; with you for life. Why would you poison it with alcohol and foods full of sugar and preservatives? You wouldn’t.

As you can see, your internal dialogue sets the scene for how you see yourself in the world, whichdirectly affects your behaviours and actions. If you are constantly reaffirming your uselessness or fear, the brain responds just like a muscle that is trained regularly, by building an ever-stronger neural connection to that thought, until it comes naturally.

When it comes to relationships, it is this kind of negative self-talk that keeps people in abusive relationships or partnerships that fail to nourish them. Some people with this negative gunk sabotage relationships for no valid reason, while others find themselves constantly alone, unable to find anyone to begin with. Any type of relationship woe is the sign of limiting beliefs. Beliefs that, if cleared out, can create a new relationship pattern in someone’s life.

Task: Grab a notepad and jot down any gunk you’ve noticed pop up in your conversations with yourself and others (comments of a negative nature)

So how do we switch off Channel Negative? We unplug the limiting belief at the root cause. We go straight back to the time where the negative wiring was installed and reprogram it. Working with a therapist who practices subconscious mind techniques such as one of my Naked Therapists, is extremely effective, or you can find a course such as Remarkable Relationships, which teaches you how to remove the beliefs yourself so you can become self-sufficient.

Ridding ourselves of the self-doubt and self-hate frees us up to move through life unhindered by the shackles of negativity. We become more comfortable in being ourselves and see our differences as assets as opposed to flaws. When we start to like, and then ultimately, love ourselves, it filters out into all areas of our life.

You walk into that job interview and because you are confident in your own skin, you have an air of confidence that wins you the role. You are so in love with yourself both mentally and physically that your interactions with others become healthier because you no longer care what anyone thinks of you. You know deep down that you are amazing. You see your own beauty as clear as filtered water.

If you consider that everyone’s reality is simply a reflection of what beliefs they hold, you soon realise the power we have in creating the life we want. Whether it’s your perfect partner you’re looking for, a dream job that has your purse overflowing or ravishing health, the secret formula is the same: Clear out the limiting beliefs so you can learn to love you, and see how your whole world changes.

The most important relationship you will ever have, is the relationship you have with YOU, so nurture it! Once you are able to love yourself unconditionally you will be able to see your own worth. You will be able to appreciate all you idiosyncrasies and adore your uniqueness. As Grey Livingston once said: ‘Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye’.

If you’d like to clear out your gunk and rid yourself of the limiting beliefs holding you back from finding love (with yourself or with another person), then I’d love to gift you my 45-minute playshop ‘The Naked Way’ which will take you deeper into what we’ve looked at today. You can strip back the layers on what’s stopping you having the amazing relationship you deserve. So let us show you how.

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