Step 1: Get clear on what you DO want in a relationship
This is an old page that is only here for archival purposes. If you would like the updated Falling In Love PDF guide, simply sign up for the Self-Love Starter’s kit at the top of the page.
It’s no good saying you want a relationship then failing to get clear on what sort of relationship you actually want. It’s like asking for a car, without deciding on the make, model or colour. What do you end up with? A smashed up beetle with an engine that purrs like a lion! So the first step in creating the perfect relationship for you is to get clear on what it is you want in a partner.
This is where you write your Perfect Partner list. You are not being precious or picky by putting in your order. You are simply valuing yourself enough to state how you would like to be treated within a relationship. In order to be loved you need to be with someone who is able to connect with the part of them that allows them to give love. This is where you decide on what you will and won’t accept in a partnership.
Task: Grab a notepad and write out all the qualities you would like this person to embody. Make sure you look at all aspects, including emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. Ie. Confident, strong, fit, funny, loyal, motivated, in touch with his/her own needs/wants, able to manage money, etc. If you struggle, consider past relationships and what you have liked and disliked in those people. Also look at your values. Is ‘fun’ high on your priority list? Or is cleanliness important to you? Don’t be afraid to dream big and ask for exactly what you want. This is your life after all!
Once you have your list, go through the list and ask yourself: What am I not being on this list? In order for you to attract in this amazing man/woman, you need to be an amazing man/woman. If you disrespect women, you can’t expect to attract in a woman who respects men. If you’re overweight and unhealthy, why would someone who is fit and healthy want to date you?
It takes courage to be this honest with yourself. But honesty is what will get you the ‘Happily Ever After’ you desire. Realise that the people we attract into our lives are a mirror reflection of us; what we have going on internally. If you’re dating someone with insecurities, chances are, you have those same insecurities. The more issues you resolve in yourself, the healthier the partner you will attract in.
So highlight those qualities that YOU are not being, and work out an action plan for you to start working on becoming those qualities. If you smoke but you want a non-smoker, consider ways you can quit the ciggies. If you have hang ups on past loves but want someone without baggage, then see a therapist who can help you let go of the past.
The closer you get to being the person on your list, the bigger your chances of attracting in a person who will meet your criteria. Now I’m not saying that when you meet someone they have to tick every box. What I am saying, is be clear on what you want, and if being with someone who’s able to show their true feelings is important to you, then don’t compromise.