We all know what lust feels like.
That electric spark that passes from you to your heartthrob each time you touch.
That sense of ‘I’ve found The One’ washing over you, before you’ve had a chance to even find out his/her name!
Yet this head-over-heels feeling we’ve all been swept up by at one time or another is likely to lead us seriously astray.
Lust is what makes us deaf and dumb to the scoundrel we’ve started dating, not realising that he or she is not worth our time.
If you think you love someone straight away, you’re actually in love with anidealised version of that person, or, like Shakespeare’s Duke Orsino, you’re just in love with love.
Fairytales encourage us to look for the lightening bolt, but relationships based on this kind of phenomenon almost always end in tatters – historically, this kind of instantaneous bond was seen as a kind of madness!
Until that hazy veil of romance begins to droop, we fail to see the truth about that person.
What you’re after, when it comes to love, is that slow-burn attraction that builds over time.
It’s your growing crush on that slightly goofy co-worker, not the instant lust you feel for that Johnny Depp look-alike across the bar, which will lead to lasting love.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t fall over your stilettos (in my case, my converse) the first time you met; true love is where those initial lukewarm feelings are brought to the simmer gradually.
Spend time falling in love with the person as they reveal to you their deeper, most vulnerable parts.
You cannot be in love with the exterior of a person – the face they show to the world.
If you are, then you are in love with a make-believe idea of who they are, not who they truly are.
And discovering who they truly are can take time.
Of course lust at first sight can serve a purpose!
Mother Nature – who may actually want grandchildren more than your mum – is selecting a mate with whom you’re genetically in sync.
So you’re probably well suited to create offspring with this person who sends your heart a-flutter, but let those feelings guide you, and you’ll not only court heartbreak, you’ll be more likely to contribute to the sky-high divorce rate.
We’re dizzy with Disney-fed expectations on what love should look like.
Yes, true love is real.
Very real.
I found it and so can you.
Just don’t mistake it for lust.
Lust will get you into trouble and most likely lead you down the unhappiness isle.
Lust simply isn’t enough for what most people want these days, and that is a long-term stable and happy relationship.